Nimi: The Window
Kirjoittaja: Crys
Fandom: Bridgerton
Ikäraja: S
Genre: Fluffy w/ slight angst tone, friends to lovers
Haasteet: Tropes II, Tarot-haaste
A/N: Spoilaa s3
The first time Penelope saw Colin Bridgerton through the window of the Featherington Drawing Room, she had no idea how many hours she would end up sitting at that particular window. It all began from a simple wave from a kindly smiling boy she had been introduced earlier that week. Penelope waved back immediately, more enthusiastically than she had meant to. Colin pointed at her, questioningly. That confused Penelope at first until she noticed she had been waving with both hands, holding a book in one of them. When they had been introduced to each other, Penelope had told – or more like lectured – the boy about the book she was reading. At first, she had quickly become embarrassed of how eagerly she had chattered about the book at the expense of proper etiquette, but once she had abruptly stopped in her embarrassment, Colin had asked her questions about the book. And at that window, Colin seemed to ask is that the book? Penelope nodded exaggeratingly so the boy could see her nodding, waving the book once more.
Colin’s carriage pulled in front of him, and the boy waved once more at the Bridgerton House steps before disappearing in the carriage. Penelope let out a happy sigh before returning to her book in which she suddenly had a hard time concentrating on.
***
The years came by and during those years Penelope found herself at the window almost every day. Of course, she didn’t see Colin every day, but the days she did, quickly became her favourite. She found herself restless, if multiple days went by and she didn’t see him through the window.
Surprisingly, Penelope became to prefer the days in which she saw him, but he didn’t see her. Usually in those days, Colin was with his family, jesting and laughing full heartedly with one of his siblings. Those times Penelope couldn’t help but laugh with him – which resulted in merciless teasing from her sisters if they happened to be in the room as well. But she couldn’t help herself. She carried the joy of seeing Colin smile in her heart and every day she nurtured the feeling more. Smiles and laughs at Colin’s face were more contagious than the flu.
***
The contagiousness of Colin’s smiles faded when the boy – perhaps now a man – started looking at the window of the Featherington House in hopes of seeing someone else instead of Penelope.
Those times it was hard to mirror the polite wave and smile which Colin offered her when he noticed her, when she knew she was not the one they were meant for. Even more bitter the situtation made the knowledge of the fact that soon she would have to endure Colin’s courtship of Marina in that same room. Colin only had eyes for Marinas beautiful smile to notice the difference in Penelope’s mood. Penelope learned to suffocate her true feelings, at least she tried to. Surely having Colin as a friend was better than not having Colin at all.
***
After not seeing Colin, the world traveller, for months, Penelope found it hard not to seek a glimpse of him at the window. She was still crossed with him, that he would never even dream of courting her. Still, she sat at the window, stealing glances at the Bridgerton House. When she would see him, her heart would skip a beat and her palms would feel sweaty against the book she was holding at the time. She would only look at him until he looked up. Then she would quickly turn her eyes to her book. The yearning for him burned bitterly inside her, but it became little easier to manage knowing that Colin seeing her meant that even for a moment, she would be in his thoughts.
***
After the kiss, everything changed. Penelope found herself sitting across the Drawing Room, staring at the window in which, from that perspective, she couldn’t see anything but the sky. How could she be so stupid? How could she have asked Colin Bridgerton to kiss her? It was worse now, knowing that something so beautiful, perfect and astonishingly perishing existed but would always be out of reach for her.
She found herself avoiding that window to protect her heart. Slight glimmer of hope in her shattered heart was the thought that maybe after she found a husband, she could feel something similar. But she knew, it would never be the same it was with Colin. Nothing could ever fix the wounds and scars of loving someone half of your life only to never be with them.
***
That thought perished her even more profoundly after.
After.
She didn’t even have the words to describe how Colin had made her feel. There weren’t words for that kind of burning happiness. And there weren’t words for the kind of pain to plan a wedding with someone who in one moment had been consumed by love for her and the next loathed her very being.
Sitting at that window, yearning for a glimpse of the man she longed for, she felt paralyzed. She didn’t know how she could fix things, if she even could. Putting down Lady Whistledown’s quill felt like splitting herself in half. And how her life be the same, if she could only love him with half of herself?
***
Now, at the steps of Bridgerton House, Penelope smiled at the Featherington House and the dear Drawing Room window. How strange, she felt like she was looking at herself in the past, daydreaming at the window.
She felt a soft brush, as her husband’s hand moved to pet her back in circles.
“Feeling okay, Pen?”
“Yes, Colin”, Penelope said and chuckled at the worry in his voice.
Colin looked at her, frowning. “Want me to carry him? You have enough carrying with the one in your belly. If you’re feeling nauseous again –”
“Colin, I’m alright. I was just lost in thought”, Penelope said lightly bouncing the two-year-old sitting against her hip.
Colin followed her eyes to the window and joined her in her voyage of memories.
“That window separated us for far too long”, Colin said and kissed his wife’s head.
“Every day I’m glad I’m not sitting at that window, but instead at the windows of our house.”
“As am I, Pen. As am I.”
