Title: Loved You All Along
Author: Angelina
Fandom: Star Wars
Rating: S
Paring: Anakin Skywalker/Obi-Wan Kenobi
Summary: “They die from a broken heart, my love,” Shmi had told him. “When the petals come, they have to confess their love, and the one they love has to return the feelings for them to heal.”
A/N: En oo julkaissut (enkä juuri kirjoittanutkaan) mitään puoleen vuoteen ja tän kanssa oli aika taisteleminen... En oo vieläkään tähän ihan 100 % tyytyväinen, mutta mun beta vakuutti, että tää on wörtti julkaista 
Joten... here we go! Love you nutella_28m ♥♥
Haasteet: OTS20 #3 (One True SW-paritus: Anakin/Obi-Wan) ja T.A.B.U.T. (hanahaki disease)
EDIT: Ihanan LadyDinagan piirtämät fanartit twitterissä täällä ja täällä (S). Häneltä löytyy paljon myös muita ihania Obikinejä ♥
LOVED YOU ALL ALONG
“Anakin,” Chancellor Palpatine says with a warm smile after opening the doors to his massive office. “Always a pleasure to see you, my boy.”
Anakin smiles back, although his heart isn’t in it, and steps into the room.
He’s been feeling awful ever since Obi-Wan and the 212th left for a mission. To be fair, he always feels uneasy and stressed when he isn’t there to assure his former Master’s safety, but this time the feeling is worse than usual. Anakin feels antsy and aggravated, his stomach feels like it is about to turn upside down, and his throat has been itching terribly ever since Obi-Wan took his leave.
Anakin loathes being separated from him.
“You seem troubled, young friend,” Palpatine says after the silence stretches on a tad too long, and Anakin mentally shakes himself.
“It’s nothing,” he assures. “My mind is elsewhere, that’s all. I apologize.”
“Hmm…”
Palpatine sits down behind his desk and looks at him, and Anakin knows that the man doesn’t buy his excuse for a second. He always seems to see right through Anakin, offering his advice and counseling.
Even when it isn’t necessarily welcome.
“Last time we saw each other, you seemed to be in good spirits,” the Chancellor continued. “I understood that your dynamic with your former Master has grown more towards the companionship you wished for, and your relations with Senator Amidala -”
“Obi-Wan is currently on a mission,” Anakin hurries to say. He doesn’t really want to talk about Obi-Wan - the itch in his throat is getting worse, too - and he definitely doesn’t want Palpatine to find out more than he should.
“Ah, I see. And of course, you worry.”
Anakin decides to just nod. He knows better than to try and lie to Palpatine, but he doesn’t care to elaborate either.
“Maybe you should occupy yourself with something,” Palpatine suggests with a gentle voice. “To get your mind off of Master Kenobi’s departure. I heard that Senator Amidala is planning a trip to Naboo, perhaps you should accompany her.”
He keeps his voice even, but Anakin senses the innuendo behind his words. He has talked about his and Padmé’s friendship with Palpatine before, and apparently, he’s taken it the wrong way. Anakin adores Padmé - of course, he does - but they are friends, that’s all.
Anakin’s romantic feelings have been targeted toward someone else for years.
“I don’t think I’ll have time for that,” he answers politely. “I have to be ready if the Council decides to send me on a mission of my own. Or if Obi - I mean, if the 212th battalion returns.”
“Ah.”
Palpatine clears his throat and looks at Anakin with a mischievous smile on his face. For some reason it makes the man look almost unpleasant.
“I am fairly certain that your former Master is taking his time to…
enjoy himself, mission or not. I am simply suggesting that you should do the same.”
The itch in Anakin’s throat grows stronger, and he coughs slightly.
“I’m not sure I understand.”
“Oh, I am just saying that Master Kenobi’s… more adventurous and voluptuous side is very well known even in the Senate,” Palpatine says with a laugh. “I do not think he’s in a position to be angry with you if you take a quick weekend trip to Naboo.”
Obi-Wan wouldn’t do that, Anakin wants to argue, but the words won’t come out. His throat is on fire, and he feels like throwing up.
Would he?
He doesn’t owe me anything.
He’s free to do whatever he wants.“Are you alright, my boy?”
Palpatine gets up and walks to him, touching his shoulder, but Anakin brushes him off. No, he is not alright, nowhere near. The horrible need to cough is getting more and more intense, and now his mind is filled with thoughts about Obi-Wan with someone else other than him.
Anakin realizes that he has to leave.
Now.“I have to get back to the Temple,” he almost croaks. “I apologize, Chancellor, I will try to come and visit you sooner next time.”
Without waiting for Palpatine’s answer, Anakin runs out of the room, all the way down the corridor. When he knows he’s far enough from the Chancellor’s office, he stops and begins to cough.
After it starts, it doesn’t seem to end. He coughs and coughs until his lungs are burning and tears are streaming down his face. And right when he thinks that the coughing is over, his whole body spasms and he throws up in his hand.
“What the -”
Anakin wipes the leftover tears from his face before looking down at his hand, seeing a small pile of bright red rose petals laying on his palm.
“Oh,
kriff.”
Anakin is familiar with the hanahaki disease. He saw it countless times as a small boy on Tatooine, where the slaves had no saying in their own lives. One of them would start to cough, throwing up flower petals, and it didn’t take long before the flowers growing in their lungs prevented them from breathing altogether.
He remembers asking his mother about it, and Shmi had held him tight to her chest, petting his hair.
“They die from a broken heart, my love,” Shmi had told him. “When the petals come, they have to confess their love, and the one they love has to return the feelings for them to heal.”
“Then why don’t they do it?”
Shmi’s smile had been a sad one, and eventually, Anakin had understood without explaining. As slaves, they didn’t have a say in their own lives. And even if they managed to express their feelings, no slave wanted to burden another living being with their miserable situation.Anakin isn’t a slave anymore - hasn’t been for over a decade - but he has no intention to tell Obi-Wan about his feelings. There’s no use, and he knows it. Obi-Wan will never return them. Anakin knows that Obi-Wan cares for him, deeply even, as a Master should care for his former Padawan, but that isn’t enough to cure Anakin’s disease.
No, it’s better to keep it a secret. He is the son of the Force, the
Chosen One, he will find a way to cure the disease without confessing his feelings. He probably has a few days before the number of petals will increase - that’s plenty of time for research and to figure out how to defeat this.
🌺 🌺 🌺
Anakin has never cared to spend very much time in the Temple Archives. It was mandatory for some of his studies but the idea of sitting in a quiet, dusty hall surrounded by old books and sacred texts has never been his idea of fun.
And now, when he’s there voluntarily, trying to learn, the Archives betray him.
There is a very limited amount of knowledge about the hanahaki disease, to Anakin’s first disappointment. He always thought that the Archives hold pretty much all the answers in the universe, although now he understands how childish that idea has been. The second disappointment is, that the only parchment that holds the information about the disease, doesn’t offer him any help whatsoever.
The only cure for the disease is that the person suffering from it speaks their feelings out loud - and those feelings to be reciprocated. The realization makes Anakin bend over and cough violently. His whole body spasms again, and when he straightens up there’s a pile of petals on the floor. He quickly picks them up and hides them inside his Jedi robes before the Padawans studying in the halls see them. A few of them already sent curious looks toward him after his coughing fit.
“Remember to eat your greens,” he whispers to the Padawans while passing them by, “so that you don’t catch a cold.”
Anakin winks at them before leaving, and he hears the Padawans giggle, but all he can focus on is the terrible burn that grows and grows in his lungs - and the next time he coughs, there's a hint of blood on the rose petals.
The realization is immediate. Anakin is having a lot less time than he originally thought. For a moment he even thinks about telling Obi-Wan - to confess and come clean with his feelings once and for all - but Obi-Wan is off-planet, and this isn’t something you tell over a Holo-Call.
But the idea disappears as quickly as it comes. There’s no use in telling Obi-Wan, he doesn’t feel the same and Anakin would just stress him out over something he couldn’t fix. And he didn’t want to do that to Obi-Wan, not after everything he’d gone through as Anakin’s Master.
He also thinks about going to the Halls of Healing but that would bring unwanted attention. Healer Che would keep his secret, but Anakin never went to the Healer voluntarily, and he definitely doesn’t want the Council to find out about his situation.
So, his final option is to meditate and try Force healing by himself. He is the
Chosen One after all, surely the Force will help him?
🌺 🌺 🌺
Obi-Wan lets out a deep sigh when the Negotiator lands on the landing pad close to the Jedi Temple, and he cannot help but to feel that
finally, they’re back home.
“I feel like we’ve earned a few days of rest,” Cody says next to him, like reading his thoughts.
Obi-Wan turns to look at him and sees his own exhaustion in Cody’s eyes. It has been a long and tiring mission, and the whole 212th battalion deserves a long holiday - far longer than they’ll be able to have.
“In that you are right, my friend,” he answers anyway, and patts Cody’s shoulder. “Try to rest. Do something to get your mind off of everything, if you can. I’ll contact you when I hear about the details of our next mission.”
“General,” Cody answers with a nod, and Obi-Wan hurries out of the ship.
Their latest excursion lasted for two weeks but even that felt like an eternity.
Obi-Wan has missed Coruscant, the Temple, and his own quarters dearly. But most of all, he has missed Anakin. The Council thought that the excursion was best to deal with only one battalion, and despite Anakin’s protests the 501st was not allowed to accompany Obi-Wan and his men.
Obi-Wan is well aware of the fact that he and Anakin wouldn’t be able to go on every mission together - they’ve already had separate missions after Anakin’s knighting - but still, every time that they are apart, Obi-Wan feels uneasy. It is not very Jedi-like, and he has been meditating on it constantly, but he just cannot shake the need to be close to his former Padawan.
He hurries to the Temple, as fast as he can without looking suspicious, hoping that the debriefing with the Council won’t take long. He feels a slight urgency in the Force, and it’s making him restless.
It almost feels like something is
wrong, but he cannot quite place it.
When he enters the Temple, he greets a few young Padawans with a smile but doesn't have time to say anything to them before Anakin's R2-unit rolls around the corner.
“Oh,” Obi-Wan says. “Hello, R2-D2.”
It still feels a little odd to him, treating droids like they are human, but it has always been very important to Anakin. So, Obi-Wan tries.
R2 answers with a series of beeps. Obi-Wan doesn’t understand binary as Anakin does, but even to his uneducated ears, it sounds urgent. The droid does a little wobble, followed by another set of beeps before it turns around and speeds down the hallway, toward the sleeping quarters.
Maybe this is what the Force was trying to tell me, Obi-Wan thinks before hurrying after the droid.
🌺 🌺 🌺
R2 opens the door to Anakin's quarters and waits for Obi-Wan to get in first. For a moment he debates going in unannounced, but when he hears a pained groan from Anakin's bedroom, he runs in.
“Anakin? Is everything alright?”
He opens the door to the bedroom and stops, dead in his tracks.
Anakin looks
awful. His curly hair is sweaty, clinging to his forehead, and his usually golden skin looks pale, and sickly. He lets out a moan, followed by a cough and Obi-Wan sees a drop of blood on his chin.
“Anakin?”
Anakin opens his eyes, although barely. It takes him a moment to register that Obi-Wan is standing next to his bed, and when he does, he sits up while his gaze goes panicky.
“Mast- er,” he whispers. “You shouldn’t be he -”
He coughs again, and his body spasms so violently that Obi-Wan has to grab his shoulders.
“You should go to the Healer!”
“No!” Anakin gasps. “I’m… I’m fine, it’s just a co- cold.”
He shakes uncontrollably, and Obi-Wan doesn’t know if he should let go or hold him tighter. He helps Anakin back down to the bed, and he immediately closes his eyes.
“Don’t be ridiculous, Anakin! How long have you been here by yours -” Obi-Wan’s sentence is cut short when he looks down.
Anakin’s breathing evens out quickly, and undoubtedly he has already fallen into a restless sleep when Obi-Wan reaches to touch the bloody rose petals lying all over the floor. He takes a few of them into his hand and stares at them blankly before turning to look at his darling Padawan.
“Oh,
Anakin…”
Obi-Wan has never seen someone suffering from hanahaki disease before but he is familiar with it. He used to study about it during his padawan days, after his own Master, Qui-Gon, told him about his old friend who had passed away because of it. To Obi-Wan it seemed horrific - it was basically dying from a broken heart, from
unrequited love.The first idea going through his mind is that
who dares not to love Anakin Skywalker? But in the next moment, he realizes that his stubborn and proud former Padawan might not have even told them about his feelings.
Obi-Wan looks back to Anakin’s shivering form, and out of impulse, he runs his hand through his sweaty curls. Anakin unconsciously leans into his touch, and Obi-Wan feels a burst of emotion going through him.
“Just hang in there, dear one. For me. Please.”
🌺 🌺 🌺
The obvious choice of course is Padmé Amidala.
Obi-Wan is well aware of the close relationship Anakin and the senator have but he always assumed that they were simply friends.
Maybe you should stop assuming things, the voice in Obi-Wan’s head says.
Maybe Anakin wouldn’t be coughing his lungs out if you focused on knowing instead of guessing.Senator Amidala opens her apartment door with a bright smile, and Obi-Wan has to push down a surprisingly uncomfortable feeling in his chest. Padmé is a very capable, beautiful, and kind woman, and it shouldn’t come to him as a surprise that she might very well be the subject of Anakin’s feelings.
“Obi-Wan,” she greets happily, leaning in for a hug that Obi-Wan answers. “It is wonderful to see you, it’s been so long!”
They exchange some pleasantries while Padmé leads him into the parlor. Her droid brings them tea, and they sit down on her comfortable couch. Usually, Obi-Wan likes to take his time on delicate matters such as this, but he knows, judging by Anakin’s condition, that there’s no time for stalling.
“Padmé,” Obi-Wan begins, a little hesitant. “I apologize for being straightforward, but I have to ask you… Are you and Anakin… I mean, are you in love with Anakin?”
Padmé looks a little taken aback, before laughing softly.
“I am well aware of the fact that Anakin used to have a crush on me,” she says warmly. “But he was nine years old. Nowadays we are very good friends, but that’s all. Why are you asking?”
Obi-Wan doesn’t detect a hint of a lie in her words, which makes him feel relieved and desperate at the same time. If Padmé is not in love with Anakin, that means that either Anakin is in love with someone else entirely, or that his disease is going to be the death of him.
Padmé must see the desperation in his eyes because her expression turns worried.
“Obi-Wan, is everything okay? Is there something wrong with Anakin?”
Obi-Wan wants to tell her. He probably
should tell her. She and Anakin are close, maybe she knows the subject of Anakin’s feelings - but there’s something that stops him. It isn’t his place to reveal Anakin’s condition, even Obi-Wan himself isn’t supposed to know about it. Telling someone else about Anakin’s disease feels like betraying his trust in the most intimate way.
“I’m beginning to get worried, even Chancellor Palpatine said that there might be something wrong, and -”
That brings Obi-Wan back to the moment.
“Palpatine said
what?”
Padmé raises her brows at him.
“
Chancellor Palpatine was wondering if there is something wrong with Anakin, too. He told me that Anakin visited him a week ago, and then suddenly rushed out with a flimsy excuse, looking sick. He hasn’t seen him since.”
That doesn’t sit well with Obi-Wan.
He’s had his suspicions about Chancellor’s sincerity for a long time and has very openly disagreed with Anakin’s friendship with the man. The fact that Anakin has spoken to him before his symptoms started only increases Obi-Wan’s uneasiness.
“Everything is fine,” Obi-Wan finally says, even though lying to Padmé feels awful, and he’s fairly certain that she doesn’t believe him for a second. “Excuse me, Padmé, but I must get going.”
He gives Padmé a quick hug before rushing out of her apartment. It is time he pays the Chancellor a visit.
🌺 🌺 🌺
The drive from Padmé’s apartment to the Senate building doesn’t take long, at least not with the way Obi-Wan is speeding.
Anakin would be proud of him. He is always complaining about Obi-Wan flying like an old man, slow and careful, but there’s not a hint of cautiousness in his maneuvers right now. He has to get to the Senate quickly and find out exactly what Palpatine told Anakin a week ago. Right now it’s his only clue finding out what triggered the disease.
When he parks the speeder in front of the Senate building Obi-Wan realizes that he has no plan whatsoever, aside from barging in the Chancellor's office, demanding to know what happened. Yet another thing that would make Anakin proud of him.
It’s already evening, the sun is setting and painting Coruscant in its orange hue, and luckily for Obi-Wan, that means that the Senate building is seemingly quiet. There’s no one in the entrance hall, and since Obi-Wan knows his way to the Chancellor’s chambers he doesn't bother to stop.
When he reaches Palpatine’s office, there’s a mild disturbance in the Force, like a vague warning which doesn’t really surprise Obi-Wan. For some reason he has always felt a little uneasy around the man - maybe because he’s a politician, or maybe because he has been a little too interested in Anakin for years now.
Before Obi-Wan can knock, the doors open and Chancellor Palpatine looks at him, surprise clear on his face.
“Master Kenobi? This is unexpected… I was just about to leave. Did I have an appointment with the Jedi?”
“No, Chancellor. I am here on… personal matters, if you have a minute. It won’t take long.”
Palpatine smiles, and it makes the hair on Obi-Wan’s neck stand up.
“Of course! Come on in, I always have time for a Jedi Master.”
Obi-Wan steps into the huge office, and Palpatine closes the doors after them. He walks behind his desk and sits down, offering Obi-Wan the opposite chair.
“Now, tell me. How can I be of assistance?”
His behavior is completely normal and polite, and yet Obi-Wan cannot shake the feeling that there is something wrong. He lets out a sigh, trying to decide how much he should reveal.
“I am a little worried about Knight Skywalker,” he finally says and doesn’t miss how Palpatine raises his brows. “He hasn’t been himself, and I was under the impression that he visited the Senate around a week ago. I was wondering if you could help me understand what is going on. Was he acting strange back then?”
Palpatine looks at him for a while, and Obi-Wan keeps his posture and facial expression as neutral as possible.
“Well, he was clearly worried about your battalion’s mission,” Palpatine finally says. “And he did look fairly ill.”
So he had symptoms already a week ago, Obi-Wan thinks with a sinking feeling. That means that he definitely has no time to waste.
“I simply suggested that maybe he should take a vacation,” Palpatine continues, oblivious to Obi-Wan’s panic. “And I assured him that you wouldn’t mind. I mean, certainly, you know how to… let loose, so to speak. I tried to explain to him that even the Jedi must be allowed to have some occasional fun.”
Obi-Wan wasn’t sure what Palpatine was hinting at. He had been on a mission with his men, not out having fun. And what did he have to do with anything?
This was clearly a waste of time, Obi-Wan thought.
Anakin is at the Temple, fighting for his life, and…“He did look a bit shocked when I hinted that surely even his Master has had his fair share of relationships. He quickly excused himself and left, looking pale -”
Palpatine abruptly stops, and Obi-Wan’s brain comes to a halt.
What?They stare at each other for a moment, Palpatine looking like he tries to quickly figure out what else to say but Obi-Wan couldn’t care less.
Anakin’s symptoms started a week ago - a week after Obi-Wan was sent on a mission without him. It got worse after Palpatine was hinting at him, that Obi-Wan was out there having ‘fun’. And didn’t Anakin look like he was panicking, when Obi-Wan came to his room? Why would he do that? Unless he didn’t want Obi-Wan to find out…
Obi-Wan gets up so fast that Palpatine startles.
“Excuse me, Chancellor, but I must get going. Thank you for your time.”
Without waiting for a reply, Obi-Wan rushes out.
Could it be?
Could Anakin have the hanahaki disease because of
him?Could Obi-Wan be the one whose love can save Anakin?
Because Obi-Wan
does love him.
The realization doesn’t come as a shock. It doesn’t surprise or blindsight him - it’s more like a long-lost truth that has waited until it's time to come to the surface. He hasn’t allowed himself to think about his former Padawan in a romantic way, but now that he dares to admit it - it seems so obvious.
Anakin is his everything. Has been for years, and always will be.
🌺 🌺 🌺
His situation is getting worse, and Anakin realizes that he doesn’t have long.
He has tried Force healing and it helps for a moment, but the disease is too strong and his healing skills have never been the best. His chest aches all the time now, and it’s getting harder and harder to breathe.
His bed is full of blood-red petals, and for one hysteric moment, Anakin thinks that at least he’ll look pretty when someone - undoubtedly Obi-Wan - finds him dead.
Maybe he should’ve just told him. Apparently, he is going to die anyway, so what’s the worst that could’ve happened? Now Anakin will die alone in his room, and Obi-Wan will never know that Anakin loved him.
R2 suddenly bumps into his bed, startling him. The droid lets out a series of swear words in binary when Anakin ends up coughing once more.
“Do- don’t use that tone with m-me,” Anakin says, even though talking stings.
R2 swears more, turns, and keeps rolling around in the bedroom.
He’s just about to lie to the droid and say that everything is going to be okay when he hears the door open.
“Anakin!”
It’s the sweet voice of his Master. At least his soft words will be the last thing Anakin hears, instead of his droid being crass in binary.
Obi-Wan appears in the doorway, urgency in his step and his usually impeccable hair is ruffled and sweaty.
“Dear one?”
Anakin groans and reaches toward him with his hand, and Obi-Wan immediately steps forward and grabs it tightly, sitting on the edge of his bed.
“Master -” Anakin is not sure what he’s about to say, but he doesn’t have to think about it because yet another violent cough interrupts him. This time it doesn’t seem to stop - he coughs and coughs and coughs, and the petals pour out from his mouth like a botanic stream.
Obi-Wan holds his shoulders throughout his whole fit, stroking his back and telling him to hang in there.
There’s no way of hiding it now. If Obi-Wan is familiar with the disease, there’s no way Anakin can lie his way out of this. He tries to catch his breath, tears on his cheeks because of the coughing, while thinking about any logical explanation, any way to tell Obi-Wan what is going on. He looks at his former Master, knowing that he must look pathetic, but luckily there’s not a hint of pity or anger in Obi-Wan’s eyes, only -
“I love you.”
Anakin inhales sharply and thinks that this is it - he is going to have another coughing fit, and this one he will not survive - but it never comes.
“Wha-,” he clears his throat and tries again, “
What?”
Obi-Wan squeezes his hand, before bringing it to his lips and gently kissing it, and Anakin’s heart skips a beat.
“Forgive me, Anakin, for being blunt, but I… I know about your disease. It is quite obvious,” he looks around the room and the hundreds of rose petals lying around, and Anakin cannot help but snort. “And I’ve been trying to find out who is the luckiest person in the galaxy, worthy of your love, and I might be very wrong… But I still have to tell you that I love you. I am in love with you, Anakin.”
It feels like a weight is lifted off of his chest.
For the first time in a week, Anakin is able to breathe freely. He fills his lungs with air, and it comes out through his mouth smoothly - he hiccups the last pile of petals in his hand and just stares at them for a moment.
The hanahaki disease is cured.
Obi-Wan
loves him.
“Oh,” Obi-Wan whispers and Anakin turns his gaze to him. “I… I just guessed, I wasn’t sure -”
“I’ve loved you for years, Master,” Anakin says a little shyly. “I was sure you’d never… So I didn’t… I’m sorry.”
Obi-Wan raises his hands and holds Anakin’s face like he’s something fragile, something precious. His gaze is soft, full of life, and for a second Anakin feels like he could cry.
He can have this. He has this. Obi-Wan
loves him.
“Don’t apologize. I know you’re stubborn, and I know you want to do things your way. I know you better than anyone, Anakin. And I love you.”
And before Anakin can answer, say that I love you too, Obi-Wan leans in and kisses him.
But then again, he doesn’t have to answer. Obi-Wan already knows.
A/N2: Sitten Anakin ja Obi-Wan tajuaa että ei helvetti, Palpatine is the Sith Lord we've been looking for, ja pistää sen yhdessä nippuun pelastaen koko galaksin ♥
