a flicker of light at the corner (the voices haunting us) × S × Remus/Sirius (LW18)

[Parris]

a flicker of light at the corner
                          ( the voices haunting us )

S × Remus/Sirius × en omista, en tienaa
Lyrics Wheel 18 (sanat lopussa)

What to do when you cannot give up but the road is crumbling beneath your feet and there is nothing but darkness, ready to finish you up?

In, out, in, out, inoutinoutinoutinout.

The way Remus Lupin is breathing is anxious. Which, of course, is no surprise, considering he has just barely escaped the attack at the Weasley-Delacour wedding by the skin of his teeth. A quick Disapparition to the mazelike streets of London was the first step – he knows they are following everyone at that point, the Ministry fallen and all, so he had to get somewhere where there are too many directions to follow, too many paths that lead only to dismay.

Second step: get into the dark. They might be on the dark side, but Remus is a beast. It is a side of him that he has subdued for a long time but now it is what gives him the advantage. Extraordinarily sharp senses, a vision field that lets him notice even the tiniest tweak, a sense of smell that lets him know when they are near—

And they are near. They have arrived. Remus pulls on his cloak tighter and hides behind a pile of bricks partially blocking access to his alleyway, giving him a perfect line of sight to the two Death Eaters who have just Apparated onto the plaza Remus himself was just moments earlier. He cannot exactly make out the words the two are cursing under their breath and masks but he knows every single word they are saying. The same words everyone has used against him for the past thirty-some years, with a hint of despair, a fear of punishment from the Dark Lord if they cannot find him.

The two Death Eaters split up, stop caring about being undercover from Muggles and start flashing out their wands, trying their hardest to find Remus. In his little cove in the shadows, Remus stumbles backwards and turns around to run. He knows he is faster – he has been running for his life forever. He also knows he has the advantage, not them. If he does not use magic, they cannot track him, that is for sure. And thirdly, Remus is smart. Smarter. Those who have just overlooked the Muggle way of life for the despicable reasons of arrogance and supremacy do not know how useful Muggle technology can be at that point.

So, Remus knew to go to a point where he has access to the London Underground. He swipes a travel card off some Muggle drunkard, praying for a higher power to have some money on that card. And it does. While the two Death Eaters are still running around narrow streets, Remus is disappearing below where he will probably stay. Those tunnels were made for that. He catches a Victoria Line train and vanishes.

Remus gets off the train at Stockwell. It is far enough from his original location that he can be sure those cocky bastards will not find him that easy. Still, there is no time for dallying around as he needs to deliver a message that he is okay and make sure everyone else is too. Remus skips up the stairwell two, three steps at a time and then sees him.


×


Out there in the fresh night of Lambeth stands Sirius Black, under a flickering streetlight. An illusion, for certain. Remus was there when Sirius died, when he fell beyond the veil at the Department of Mysteries. Remus was there when his own heart shattered into a million tiny little fragments as he lost the one person who cared most for him – and for whom he cared most. But now, a living, breathing Sirius Black stands there, smoking… and then Sirius notices him and winks. It is a sign and Remus approaches. Cautiously. It must be a trap, must it not? A jinx or a spell otherwise, cast on him at the wedding by the Death Eaters already to throw him off his game?

But no, it is Sirius. Or so Remus wants to believe.

“What… how…”

It seems impossible to muster out anything else. Sirius laughs at Remus’ look of disbelief and takes a long whiff of his cigarette.

“I appear when you most need me, no? Hasn’t it always been like that, Moony?”
“I… you…”
“Oh, come on, brother. You can do better than that. At least try to get something else out than just questions or pronouns?”

Remus knows he should not, but he brings his hand up to touch Sirius’ cheek. It feels so real, in flesh and blood and bone. Just the idea of having Sirius back, right there and then, makes Remus choke up.

“Moony… Remus.” (Note: not Lupin. Remus.) “I came back for love. To remind you of that miracle.”
“Wha-what?”

Sirius, for Remus, was never a man to talk about love. It was always about grand adventures, a life of liberty in a sense no one before had lived, but never love. It had always been joking about banging girls or guys, jesting about who is the burning-hot crush of the night, but never ever love.

“Remember what you saw tonight. Bill and…”
“… Fleur. Love. A celebration at its purest.”
“Mmhm.”

Sirius nods in acknowledgment of Remus’ progress in developing a sentence – or a fragment, at the very least – that had exactly the content he was looking for.

“Remus, that is what we’re going for here. You need to survive because there is nothing as strong as love. And when you lose that, you lose the battle. And you lose the war. And we cannot lose the war here, because it’s us against a wall of darkness that will devour every fucking thing in its way if you let it.”

Sirius grabs Remus’ hands and his touch feels like it burns. That is how badly Remus has missed him that it is an exorcism or a crucible.

“So, I need you to believe in what they have and carry this through with that in mind. Because we never had that chance and I regret that more than anything. And I don’t want you to lose because you’ve lost me.”
“I… I didn’t lose you. I’ve always had you…”
“No, Remus, no. Or maybe in your heart, but not in this world. There was the war. There was the betrayal. There was the imprisonment. There was the war, again. But never us. Not in this world.”
“But I did… we were…”

Sirius holds onto Remus so tight that it is impossible not to believe in love. That every single fiber of thought in Remus’ mind at that moment is not about love, not about believing that there could have been what Bill and Fleur have between him and Sirius.

“We were, but we weren’t. It’s a paradox, really.”
“… it is.”

Sirius wraps his arms around Remus and Remus does the same thing back to him. There is a warm embrace, a flicker of light from above or around or within –


×


and Sirius is gone, again. There is only Remus, standing under the streetlight in the breeze of a late summer night.

And now he knows what to do.



Sea Wolf - Frank O'Hara


Frank O'Hara
Standing in the subway
Imagined you beside me
As if you could hide me
Love won that day
Lifted all of us up
What would you have written?
Would words have even been enough?

Drove through deserts
Garbage in the meadows
Saw ourselves in windows
Hidden in the shadows
No one really knew us
Not the way we wanted
So we had to listen
To the voices haunting us

So this is love
This is love
So this is love
This is love

Frank O'Hara
Wish you could've been there
You, me and mother
And all your former lovers
I was always with you
Though we're not the same
I know what it was to
Grow up with the shame

So this is love
This is love
So this is love
This is love
So this is love
This is love
So this is love
This is love

Frank O'Hara
Standing in the subway
What would you have written?
Would words have even been enough?

[Thelina]

Luin tämän jo silloin heti tuoreeltaan, mutta näköjään unohdin kommentoida. Tuo kappale ei ollut minulle tuttu ja kuuntelin sen vasta tekstin lukemisen jälkeen, kivalta kuulostaa! Vaikka kappaleen tunnelma oli erilainen kuin tämän tekstin tunnelma, lyriikoista oli otettu juuri sopivia inspiksiä: tykkäsin tuosta, miten Remus pakenee metroon, toivoen että matkakortissa on rahaa, ja parituksesta tykkäsin tietenkin myös, sekä siitä, että Sirius tulee valamaan uskoa Remukseen, puhumaan rakkaudesta, johon heillä ei ollut kunnollista mahdollisuutta ;_; ♥ Remuksen pako oli kuvattu hengästyttävästi ja nuo sanat ja kosketukset hänen ja Siriuksen välillä kyllä rusentavat sydäntä... varsinkin kun toinen sitten taas katoaa. Oliko Sirius jonkinlainen muisto tai aavekuva, sitä en tiedä. Loppu kuitenkin antoi ihanaa toiveikkuutta, että sodasta selvitään ja että nimenomaan tämä kohtaaminen liikautti Remuksen mielessä liikkeelle jotakin, josta vielä on apua.

Kiitos tästä!

[hiddenben]

Kommenttikampanjasta hei! Oli onnekasta, että Kaarne linkkasi tämän kampanjaan, sillä tämä on todella hieno teksti! Oli virkistävää lukea pitkästä aikaa englanniksi ja päädyinkin jostain hassusta syystä lukemaan tämän itsekseni ääneen Siinä kävi ilmi, että tämä on rytmillisesti todella toimiva ja uppouduin silläkin tavalla tarinaan todella helposti!

Otsikko antaa ymmärtää, että Sirius todella on aavekuva, jonkinlainen ääni tai harha, jonka Remus vaikeassa tilanteessa näkee. Sen voi nähdä surullisena asiana, mutta tässä tuo Siriuksen kohtaaminen tulee esiin herkkänä ja ennen kaikkea tärkeänä asiana, mikä tuo mukanaan lohtua niin lukijalle kuin ehkä Remuksellekin. Pidän hurjasti siitä, että tässä ollaan seitsemännen kirjan tapahtumissa ja hetki kuvataan Remuksen näkökulmasta. Se on minulle nimittäin aivan uusi näkökulma tapahtumiin ja senkin takia ihastuin tähän jo ensilauseista lähtien! Kuten Thelinakin kommentoi, alun pakeneminen on hengästyttävää ja olet onnistunut kuvaamaan sen hyvin. Erityisesti nautin tästä kohdasta:

They might be on the dark side, but Remus is a beast. It is a side of him that he has subdued for a long time but now it is what gives him the advantage. Extraordinarily sharp senses, a vision field that lets him notice even the tiniest tweak, a sense of smell that lets him know when they are near—

Ihmissusi-Remus on loputtoman mielenkiintoinen hahmo ja olen lukenut hänestä useamman ficin viime aikoina. Tässä tulee esiin hieman uudenlainen tulkinta, jossa nuo suden vaistot ovat osa häntä myös ihmismuodossa ja se vasta onkin jännittävää! Se tuo aivan oman uuden twistin Remuksen olemukseen. Pidän siitä, että hän on niin kirkas ajatuksissaan, vaikka pakotilanne saa sydämen hakkaamaan ja olon ahdistumaan. Tuo metrokortin nappaaminen oli rohkea veto, mutta onneksi se kannatti.

Siriuksen ja Remuksen dialogi on todella onnistunutta ja nautin hurjasti siitä, kuinka Remus hapuilee sanoissaan ja Sirius vie keskustelua eteenpäin omaan tuttuun tyylinsä. Erityisesti “I appear when you most need me, no? Hasn’t it always been like that, Moony?” hymyilytti Samalla Siriuksesta tuli esiin myös uusia puolia, jotka hämmensivät Remusta ja myös minua, mutta toisaalta muistutus rakkaudesta on tärkeä ja ehkä juuri aave-Sirius sanoo sen parhaiten, saa viestinsä tehokkaimmin perille? Vähän jäi mietityttämään se, miksi Sirius tuntui keskittyvän niin paljon Remuksen rohkaisemiseen, vaikka tämä ei juurikaan tunnu pelkäävän? Jos hän olisi kokenut enemmän kauhun ja pelon ja epätoivon tunteita paetessaan, rohkaiseminen olisi tuntunut enemmän ajankohtaiselta. Mutta kuinka vain, pidin hurjasti tuosta kohtaamisesta ja tuo lopun halaus oli pakahduttavan ihana ♥

Pidin tästä kovasti, kiitos hienosta tekstistä!