Nimi: Why Castiel loved Dean Winchester as much as he did
Kirjoittaja: Tecnomotive
Fandom: Supernatural
Genre: deathfic, angst
Ikäraja: K11 (pistäisin tämän enemmänkin K7-paikkeille, mutta koska kys. ikäraja ei täällä ole käytössä niin K11 se on nyt sitten oleva)
Paritus: Destiel [Dean Winchester x Castiel]
Yhteenveto: Castiel had came to this world knowing nothing about true passion, anger, love or hate. He hadn't had a single feeling back then, he hadn't felt sorry for the lives he had taken, the families he had destroyed, the souls he had tortured. But after getting to know the Winchesters – oh, hadn't he learned the true meaning of humanity.
A/N: Koulu ei kiinnostanut ja Destiel on aina mukava aihe josta kirjottaa, joten raapustelin johonkin vihon taakse muutamia lauseita ja tässä sitä nyt ollaan. Tämä muovautui pitkälti samalla kun tätä kirjoitin, idea on siis vähän mitä on ja useakin asia jää (varmaankin ihan tarkoituksella, luulisin?) varsin hämärän peittoon. Pyydän syvästi anteeksi paikoitellen puutteellista englanninkielen taitoani, arvostaisin todella jos jotain virheitä mulle bongailisitte. Pahoittelen syvästi myös tän lyhyyttä, mut mun kapasiteetti näin masentavan tekstin kirjoittamisen suhteen on varsin pieni joten tämäkin oli odotettavissa. :'D
Sijoittuu suurin pirtein kymppikaudelle, Demon!Deanin jälkeiselle ajalle (kai).
Why Castiel loved Dean Winchester as much as he did
Hopefully there was not another poor soul to be found from this planet or neither from heaven nor hell (even though not many demons had anything that could be called a soul or even a part of one) who would dare to denie the truth that the angel of the Lord called Castiel loved the one person who the world had been especially rough to – Dean Winchester. Because to be pittyed the poor demon who had insisted otherwise. Actually the word “insist” might be too big to use in this sentence. Altough he had given a clear sign that he didn't believe in the true love between these to unlike partners in crime, work and love, and that had been enough for Castiel. The demon had had the pleasure to feel the warm touch of Castiel's sword- or sting-like angel blade that nearly every angel and some other not so angel-like people carried.
One of them was Crowley – first a punk-ass crossroads demon, now the king of Hell. Full of sass and attitude, that man. Irritating, sometimes. Other days almost (but just almost) likeable and mostly very useful. You know, being the king of Hell would bring anyone quite awesome priviledges.
And one of the other carriers had been Dean Winchester. Though Dean had carried a lot of other things with him among the blade. And not all of those things had been physical or able to touch with your hands, like his gun, the Colt 1911 was or the First blade that had had such an unpleasent effect on him with the Mark of Cain it had been connected to. Even though especially the Blade might had been hard to handle, the things that had brought him the most pain and suffer were his memories, his feelings and his nightmares. It didn't matter that it had been years and years since his mother's death, just like years had passed from his father's death too. Same thing was in for Bobby's passing as well. He had missed his life with Lisa and Ben so much that he often had felt like crying because he had longed for the normal life more than he dared to admit.
But the thing Dean had worried about the most and what made him feel the worst and same time gave him the biggest joy one could even imagine – his little brother Sam. Not Dean's time in neither Hell nor Purgatory hadn't been able to beat the pain and the worries Sammy tended to cause him. Too many times he had had to worry about his brother's life and safety, too many times he had lost him and got him back all broken and shattered.
And that was the thing that Castiel most had felt sorry for in Dean. Castiel came to this world knowing nothing about true passion, anger, love or hate. He hadn't had a single feeling back then, he hadn't felt sorry for the lives he had taken, the families he had destroyed, the souls he had tortured. All he had thought was that he was working for the greater good in the name of God.
But after getting to know the Winchesters – oh, hadn't he learned the true meaning of humanity. It was all about family, love, respect and responsibility. And after he had learned that, he had understood it all – how awfully hard it had been for both Dean and Sam, but especially for Dean. Sam, like his father, had always been willing to give his life in the name of the “greater good” which was easily to be translated to giving up just before the goal line and letting someone else finish the job.
But the thing they never had thought was the fact that it would always be down to Dean to bury them. The responsibility Dean had felt over Sam was enormous – and even though it's terribly ironic, Dean had always been ready to give his life for his brother if that had been what it takes to Sam to have a better life.
And all this still partly amazed Cas. He had seen Dean as an amazingly strong-willed, noble in his own way and so loyal for the ones he truly had loved and cared about and he was right – Dean had been all these things. And that's what made Castiel like Dean so much, if it had to be said with using lighter expressions.
But nothing had ever been public, not even between Dean and Castiel theirselves. It had always been nearly wordless, actionless. It had been a little secret thats present everybody had noticed but no one had had the guts to talk about it neither in public nor in private. Actually not anyone had ever even truly dared to aknowledge that secret. So it had always been there, no one just ever had done anything about it.
All it had ever been was just eye contacts and small, nearly noticeable but obvious tones in their voices, almost meaningless but so important extra-words in their sentences and screams in their heads that yelled for the desire to kiss one another, to hug so tightly and never let go.
All these thoughts were spinning in Castiel's mind, wildly and not willing to calm down. He wanted to cry, he really did. But he wanted to be strong... He wanted to be strong for Dean. He wanted the man he had loved so much to be proud of him.
The night that day was quite freezing and not much moonlight was to be shown. All the stars were hidden by thick clouds and the wind was blowing hard, making the trees to wave. It felt even more freezing because he was standing in the middle of a spacious field and even though there was a great fire burning in front of him, he had never felt to cold in the inside. The anger, the vindictiveness and the loneliness were burning him from the inside out. While Castiel was staring at the burning corpse of Dean Winchester, he truly understood the true meaning of love.
