Tää olisi ollut todella kaunista tekstiä, mutta nää kirjoitusvirheet ei ollu kovin esteettisiä...
Olis varmaan toiminu paremmin suomeksi?
"She SOUNDED sad." , mutta "Her voice was sad" olisi parempi...
"Like she HAD just cried." (väärä aikamuoto)
"I felt a little bit of pain about what I'd done." (artikkeli, pronominit, aikamuoto, "I" aina isolla)
"I cared a shit" ei ole oikea sanonta joko "I cared shit" tai "I didn't give a shit."
There was nothing better than her SUFFERING, but now when she did SUFFER... was I so happy?" (taivutus, lisätty sana kuulostaa luonnollisemmalta, "I" taas isolla)
"I felt like it WOULD be me..." (would, ei fould)
"I had felt. I have fell of a cliff." Noissa lauseissa ei ole mitään järkeä... "I felt as if I'd fallen of a cliff." on ehkä se, mitä hait?
"... and when she WASN'T there I could be happy." (aikamuoto ja taas se "I" isolla)
"Now that she DIDN'T FIGHT WITH ME, my worldl SEEMS REALLY EMPTY" (selvemmin, pronominit, aikamuoto)
"Was that what I'D BECOME?" (aikamuoto/taivutus...)
"Was I a coward (=pelkuri) to BE so cold and mean?" (oikeinkirjoitus, artikkeli, kysymysmerkki)
"The one who DIDN'T care about...." (kieltomuoto)
"I don't WANT TO be that person." ("Wanna" on puhekieltä)
"... to turn the clock BACK." (ei "up")
"I was A DISSAPONTMENT. (artikkeli + oikeinkirjoitus)
"I UNDERSTAND that now." (taivutus...)
"With the DIFFICULT me." (oikeinkirjoitus...)
"I UNDERSTAND that it was me who CAUSED all the pain FOR you." (oikeinkirjoitus, taivutus, pronominit)
"There's nothing that I can say anymore." ( "I" )
"Only one THOUGHT." (oikeinkirjoitus/taivutus)
"...let me go 'CAUSE/BECAUSE you DESERVE it."
"I was too weak to leave BEFORE the day you'd allready lost ALL THE HOPE in me."
Kiitos, ensikerralla KIRJOITA SUOMEKSI tai hanki beta.
Muuten hyvä idea.
