Nimi: Little Magic
Kirjoittaja: teea
Ikäraja: K-11
Paritus: Noel/Jonathan
Tyylilaji: Fantasia
Yhteenveto:
Did you know that magic is real? A/N: Mä en tiedä haluaako kukaan täällä lukea tällaista, mutta laitetaan nyt kuitenkin esille. Ehkä joku tykkää
Tämä on jouluisa fantasiatarina, viatonta ihmis-keiju-slashia englanniksi (Miten niin outoa?) Tämä on ehkä vähän pitkä one-shotiksi, mutta en tykkää pätkiä fikkejä.
Little Magic
Did you know that every little boy and girl has a very own fairy to bring a little magic in their lives? I bet you didn’t because you are not meant to see your fairy. Did you sometimes find little presents or something you had lost neatly placed on your bed? Your fairy did it. Did you feel like someone was watching you when you were sleeping? Did you hear a swoosh of wings and then think you imagined it?
Your fairy made you believe that your dreams can come true. The adult world is not the right place for little boys and girls; adults don’t see what a magical place the world really can be. This is why you need your fairy. And your fairy will stay around for as long as you need it. But sadly children will stop believing in magic as they grow up and there will be a time for your fairy to leave.
Even though fairies are very sensitive to knowing when it’s time to go, sometimes the fairy is not ready to leave, though. That is what happened to Noel.
~ ~ ~
Noel met Jonathan for the first time the night after he was born. He was brought from the hospital as a small, white bundle and placed in his crib like the most precious thing. After the darkness had fallen, Noel flew in through an open window and sat on the edge of the crib. Jonathan was sleeping soundlessly. He was a little nervous to meet Jonathan because being someone’s fairy was not something to be taken lightly. But when Noel gazed at him in amazement, his nervousness melted away. The baby was a breathing and living perfection. Noel stooped carefully and touched Jonathan’s hand. It was still much bigger than his, but it was the smallest human hand he’d ever seen.
“Nice to meet you, Jonathan,” Noel spoke quietly, careful not to wake him.
Suddenly the baby made a sound of discomfort and his little face twisted. Noel thought he’d done something wrong and dashed away from the baby. What a useless fairy he was! But when Jonathan relentlessly kept making unhappy noises, Noel stole a look from behind the crib. Maybe Jonathan had a tummy ache, Noel thought. He decided to tickle the baby’s tummy with his silvery wings. And it worked; Jonathan calmed down and went back to sleep when the wings brushed his tummy. Noel smiled. He was going to take his responsibility as Jonathan’s fairy very seriously. As Jonathan settled to peaceful sleep, Noel sat by his side all night just watching until the morning light crept through the curtains, and he reluctantly flew away.
After the first night, Noel went to visit Jonathan every night. He did his best to calm the baby down when he woke up in the middle of the night. He hid behind the curtains or under the crib when the baby was being fed, careful not to make even the smallest sounds. He told all the other fairies about Jonathan; how his little fingers curled around a stuffed bunny’s ear and how he watched Noel stretching his wings. They smiled in unison. They knew how amazing it was when you got to be someone’s fairy for the first time.
~ ~ ~
On his very first Christmas Jonathan was spoiled. He got so many toys Noel lost count and everyone made a big fuss about him. Noel watched him surrounded by his family while waiting for everyone to go to bed. When at night the baby slept in his crib peacefully with all of his new teddy bears, Noel wished he could have given Jonathan a present for him to remember Noel by. There was a blue star lamp on Jonathan’s window and it casted light on the baby’s face. Noel smiled. Maybe it didn’t matter that he didn’t have a present for Jonathan; at least he was there.
“Merry Christmas,” he whispered.
The real stars were shining as brightly as the Christmas lights people had decorated their houses with as Noel flew back home.
~ ~ ~
When Jonathan was two years old he’d already grown to be quite a character. He smiled and laughed a lot and Noel loved it. He was a happy baby. Sometimes Noel risked it and went to see Jonathan in the day light, just to have a peek at him.
That day he crept in through a key hole even though he worried pushing himself through such a small hole would damage his wings. Jonathan was sitting in his high chair by the kitchen table while his mother was on the phone in the hall. To Noel’s alarm he saw that Jonathan was fidgeting around restlessly and trying to push himself up. Noel hurried to stand on the table in front of the baby to capture his attention. Jonathan stopped moving and stared at Noel. Encouraged by this Noel danced around the baby’s milk bottle a little. Jonathan smiled, and then grabbed Noel by his wing and put it in his mouth. Noel panicked and kicked his little feet. He did not expect that! To his horror he heard the baby’s mother’s voice coming closer. And he was trapped in Jonathan’s mouth by his wing. Luckily, Jonathan dropped him on the table just in time before his mother entered the room. The baby giggled and Noel hid under the table.
“What is so funny, Jonathan?” His mother asked. The baby just giggled more, and Noel began to be more careful with his visits.
~ ~ ~
On his third Christmas Jonathan stayed up most of the night. He didn’t cry or try to get out of his bed; he was watching Noel in amazement. Noel flew behind the blue star on the window and Jonathan clapped his small hands. He sprinkled some fairy dust on Jonathan, and for a moment he shone like the brightest star. Noel wished that Jonathan would remember that when he grew older, but he knew it wouldn’t happen.
~ ~ ~
It wasn’t until Jonathan started school when Noel though being just his fairy wasn’t enough. He wasn’t sure whether it was normal to feel that way and he didn’t talk to the other fairies about his feelings. It seemed Jonathan didn’t like school. He often had nightmares and woke up crying. Noel couldn’t show himself to Jonathan anymore as he had become too old and would grow suspicious. It was different when he had been a baby, and now Jonathan understood fairies didn’t belong to the world he was beginning to know. All Noel could do was to hope that Jonathan would fall a sleep and then sit next to his pillow whispering calming words into his ear. He would arrange his school bag for him even though the books were heavy to carry. He would leave a cookie on the table for him. That was all Noel could do.
~ ~ ~
Years went past and Jonathan grew older. He started coming home very late and Noel would sit in his room waiting. He worried for him more and more all the time because he didn’t know where the boy went and why he often seemed down. He wished he could talk to him. When Jonathan got home and fell asleep, Noel pulled the covers all the way to his chin and tried to tidy his dark messed up hair and his face. He often had something black around his eyes.
It often saddened Noel that Jonathan was growing up so fast. He was already fourteen and many boys and girl were ready to live without their fairies by that age. But Noel was determined that Jonathan still needed him. Who else would make sure he went to bed every night?
Noel often heard Jonathan arguing with his mother. Then he would march angrily to his room and hide under the covers. He listened to loud, angry music that Noel didn’t like. Noel was only young himself and he understood that growing up could be difficult, but he had a feeling that something was bothering Jonathan. He would often just sit and stare in the distance or write something for hours.
Noel knew what the other fairies were saying behind his back. He heard that he spent too much time watching Jonathan and that he was becoming too old now. His father was the head of fairies and it didn’t take long until it reached his ears. His father warned him not to become too attached. Noel had nodded, but wasn’t sure what to think. He didn’t know whether he should do what the others advised or what he felt was right in his heart.
~ ~ ~
It wasn’t until a year later that Noel finally realised that Jonathan wasn’t a child anymore. It was nearing Christmas but Jonathan’s mood seemed far from joyous Christmas spirit. Noel knew Jonathan had been feeling down which only worsened his dilemma.
Jonathan was tucked in his bed while Noel was watching him from the other side of the room. Suddenly a soft moan escaped through his lips. Noel sat up right and tried to see in the darkness if he was all right. Jonathan moaned again and moved restlessly. His lips were parted. Noel continued to stare. He wasn’t sure if Jonathan was awake but then he moved on his stomach and started moving his hips slowly. He moaned a little more and then his whole body relaxed. He turned to his side and smiled sleepily. Noel had to look away; even he realised it was too private and he felt guilty for being there.
After that night Noel began feeling slightly uncomfortable. Maybe Jonathan wouldn’t want him to watch over him anymore? What did he want? And what did Noel himself want? He let his mind wander and follow its own way while he pondered the question. He knew so much about Jonathan and he didn’t even know that Noel existed. It wasn’t fair. Not at all. He knew what amused Jonathan and he knew what made him angry. He knew what Jonathan’s favourite food was and how to calm him down when he was having a nightmare. Noel wanted to comfort Jonathan. And Noel wanted to whisper words to Jonathan’s ear and him to know it was Noel. He wanted to talk to Jonathan. He wanted Jonathan to know it was Noel who made his life a little bit more magical. Noel knew it didn’t work like that. He wanted more than he could have. He was supposed to stay in Jonathan’s like for a while and then let go. Why couldn’t he do it?
A few nights later Noel was still troubled by his feelings. He sat on the bed next to Jonathan’s pillow. He wasn’t paying enough attention. He was becoming careless as well as obsessed, he knew it then because suddenly Jonathan opened his eyes. He blinked his eyes furiously as if not being able to believe what he was seeing. Noel blinked his eyes as well.
“What?” Jonathan breathed.
His eyes were wide open and the fairy and boy stared at each other.
“What is that?” He sat up.
Noel suddenly realised what was happening and he flew to the other side of the room. Jonathan got out of the bed and stood up. He squinted his eyes and tried to see what the sparkling silvery thing in his room was. Noel saw his escape in the form of the open door and flew out of the room. He knew there was an open window downstairs.
“Wait!” Jonathan whispered. He was sure it had been… a tiny boy?
~ ~ ~
Noel didn’t go to Jonathan’s house the next night. He knew he had to keep away because he had ruined everything. What he had done was against every rule there was to being a child’s fairy, and he knew he had already broken most of them. Jonathan had seen him and that was the end of everything. But it wasn’t easy and Noel found himself moping around looking miserable.
Then a week later he found himself outside the house, sitting on a roof top of a neighbouring house. He wasn’t going to go inside, he just watched the light coming from Jonathan’s room. Why wasn’t he sleeping? Noel sighed and curled his arms around his knees. Then not being able to stop himself, he decided it wouldn’t hurt to just see what Jonathan was doing. He flew a little closer and looked in through the window. Jonathan was sitting on his bed and playing with his stuffed bunny’s ears. He looked sad. Noel touched the glass with his finger tips, pretending he was touching Jonathan.
Noel would have given anything to hug Jonathan - like a real person. He saw Jonathan’s shoulders shaking and he wiped his eyes with his hand. Jonathan was crying and Noel would have given anything to… He stopped to ponder what he’d just thought. Could it be possible?
~ ~ ~
The next day Noel waited until dark before sneaking into his father’s office. He pushed a rusty, stolen key into the key hole and turned it soundlessly. There was a click and door to the room opened. Noel lit one of the candles on the walls and hurried through the large room to another locked door. It was not surprising that this door, too, was locked. Noel tried to recall where his father kept the key. A smile appeared on his face, and he dashed to open a wooden chest sitting in the corner. The key was there as he’d remembered. He clutched it against his chest and returned to the door. His father was going to be very, very angry but Noel couldn’t have been less concerned when he stepped into the small space.
There were small bottles on shelves all the way from the floor to ceiling. There were bottles of fairy dust in every imaginable colour. And there were potions. Noel frowned. He wasn’t sure how to find the one he needed. He knew how it worked but he’d never seen the actual bottle. Animal spells, no. Christmas spells, he decided and ran his fingers on the labels. His finger stopped at one particularly red bottle, and he grinned.
Christmas wish, the label said. Noel took the tiny bottle and drank it without hesitation while repeating his wish in his mind.
~ ~ ~
Noel found an open window in the basement and flew in. He was more nervous than the first time he’d met Jonathan all those years ago. He flew past the Christmas tree that shone in the middle of the living room, and there was ginger bread and mince pies on the dining room table.
Jonathan was fast asleep, and Noel sighed in relief. He looked at the clock on the wall. It was five minutes before midnight, so he watched and waited. When it was merely seconds until Christmas day, he went to stand behind the curtains not to scare Jonathan when he changed in case he woke up. The clock ticked, and Noel prayed he’d done the right thing. He breathed and felt his body turn heavy as his limbs suddenly grew. The transformation only took a few seconds. He felt a little unbalanced, nearly tripping on his own feet. They were so long! He stepped out from behind the curtains. The first thing he noticed was that his wings were missing. He winced a little because it was so weird. Then he looked at Jonathan who was still fast a sleep.
Unsure what to do next he stepped closer to the bed. Could he do it? With sudden braveness he pulled the covers up so that he could crawl next to Jonathan and then pulled them back down over them both. It was so very warm next to him. He looked at Jonathan’s face; he looked exactly the same as every other time Noel had been watching him– just watching–except that now Noel could hold him like a person. So he wrapped his arms around Jonathan carefully and then he stayed like that until he fell asleep.
He woke up from the cold floor, his back hurting. He opened his eyes and tried focus them. The room looked funny; everything was so small. Or maybe he was big? Noel looked down at himself and remembered the night before just as he heard Jonathan’s voice above him.
“Who are you?” he demanded.
Noel turned his head towards the source of the voice and stared.
“What were you doing in my bed?” Jonathan questioned. He looked angry.
“Uh…” Noel said, his voice rough. He coughed. He sat up and Jonathan’s eyes grew wider.
“Well?” Jonathan questioned.
“I’m Noel,” he answered.
“Well, that was helpful,” Jonathan sneered, sarcastically. “
Who are you?”
“Jonathan, I– “
“How do you know my name?”
“Let me explain.” Noel was growing impatient. What had he done?
“Then explain.”
“I was here the other night,” he offered.
And every other night, he added in his mind.
Jonathan’s eyes widened even more. “What do you mean?”
“I think you remember.”
“You can’t mean that–“ he whispered.
“My name is Noel and I know a lot about you, Jonathan,” Noel said quickly.
Jonathan just stared.
“Look, I can go if you want.” Noel stood up and walked to the door, wobbly, but walked nevertheless.
“Wait!” Jonathan whispered just as Noel was about to open the door. He turned and saw that a small smile had appeared on Jonathan’s face. He smiled back carefully.
“Okay,” he said. He wasn’t sure where to go but he sat on the edge of the bed as far from Jonathan as possible not to scare him again. “Wait, did you push me from the bed?”
“Well, what was I meant to do when I found this naked guy in my bed?” Jonathan asked.
Noel blushed. “Oh…” he said. “I didn’t think of that.”
“So, tell me everything,” Jonathan said.
~ ~ ~
Noel was wearing a pair of light blue jeans and a loose long sleeved black shirt. He wasn’t used to human clothes but had accepted them gratefully. He walked downstairs behind Jonathan who had to support Noel in the stairs since he had nearly fallen down the first step he took. He was much more used to flying than stairs.
“Just act normal,” Jonathan whispered when they entered the living room.
Normal? Noel thought. Jonathan dragged him by his arm behind him.
“Merry Christmas, honey,” Jonathan’s mother said when she saw him. Then she stopped half way to him.
“Mum, this is Noel. His family went away for Christmas so I invited him over,” Jonathan introduced him.
“Hello,” Jonathan’s mother said and smiled somewhat rigid.
“Hello,” Noel replied.
“Is it fine that he stays for a while?” Jonathan asked.
“Sure, honey,” she said and looked at Noel again. “It’s nice for you to have a friend over.”
Noel watched the family open their presents. It was weird; he knew all their traditions but he had never been a part of them. He’d always been watching from the shadows. The room was decorated the same way as every other Christmas. There was a golden star on top of the tall tree. A wooden deer that Jonathan had made at school stood on the side table. Noel had always liked it because it was the same size as he’d been. Sometimes he’d pretended to ride it. It was silly, but it had amused him.
Noel excused himself after a while and went to Jonathan’s room. It didn’t feel right being present when the family spent the Christmas morning together. He stood in the room and studied himself for the first time since he’d changed. His fair, wavy hair still reached his chin. He pushed it behind his ears and noticed that they were different shape as before; they were human ears. He couldn’t hear very well either. He used to head the wind and animals even when he was in the house but now he couldn’t. He touched his face. It felt the same as before. He suspected his eyes were still the same shade of dark green that they used to be. His new body felt clumsy and awkward compared to his tiny, slender fairy body. He took it all in and he was excited with the novelty of his new body.
“Hey,” Jonathan spoke behind him.
Noel turned around and saw him in the door way.
“Are you okay?” Jonathan asked. “I’m sure it’s weird for you. I mean I would be–“
“No, I’m fine,” Noel cut it.
They looked at each other for a while. Jonathan shook his head as if still in shock. Noel had told Jonathan who he was and for some wonderful reason Jonathan had decided to believe Noel.
“Want to go out?” he asked then. “It’s snowing.”
“I’d love to,” Noel smiled.
They went downstairs and Jonathan gave Noel a thick winter coat. Jonathan smirked when Noel put a wrong arm in the sleeve of the coat.
“This way,” Jonathan said and helped the fairy.
“Sorry, I don’t normally wear– I mean I’m warm anyway.”
“It’s okay,” Jonathan said. “Oh, wait.” He pulled a blue woollen hat over Noel’s head. “There. Now you’re ready.”
Jonathan led their way through the snowy streets. Noel appreciated how slowly Jonathan was walking and how he kept an eye on Noel who had to concentrate on every step. They didn’t talk much until they arrived near a small park.
“Let’s make a snowman,” Jonathan suggested.
“Okay,” Noel said, beginning to make a snow ball and rolling it on the ground. As it got bigger Jonathan helped to push it.
“I used to watch you making snowmen when you were little,” Noel said when he watched the snow ball getting quite huge. Little Jonathan’s snowmen used to be half the size of this one. Noel remembered him wearing brightly coloured hats, mittens and snow boots at winter. Now he was in black, apart from his turquoise scarf. His dark hair kept falling over his left eye. Noel made a smaller snow ball for the man’s head.
“Oh, yeah?”
“Yes.”
Suddenly a snowball the size of an apple hit Noel on his shoulder making him lose his balance, and he fell down on his bottom.
“Oops. Sorry,” Jonathan whispered with a guilty look on his face and hurried to his side.
“You little nuisance,” Noel laughed. “I should have known.”
Not caring it was cold, Jonathan sat down next to Noel, his face now serious. “I wish I’d known you when I was younger. I know I just met you, but when you tell me about my childhood, it makes me feel like I had a friend who I never knew. And I could have used a friend.”
“Why do you say that?” Noel asked, feeling as though Jonathan had revealed something important.
“I don’t have many friends but maybe you know that already,” Jonathan answered, avoiding eye contact.
Noel sensed that Jonathan was reluctant to talk about the subject deeper and left it alone, but made a mental note to bring it up later. He was determined to know everything before he left.
“Actually you did know me when you were young. You just don’t remember,” Noel said, steering to the conversation back to Jonathan’s comment.
Jonathan looked at him expectantly.
“I used to keep you company when you couldn’t sleep,” Noel explained. “You had about a thousand teddy bears in your bed, and one… Well, me.”
Jonathan laughed. “Well, it’s a shame I don’t remember.”
Noel got up to his feet carefully and said, “I always wished you’d remember because those memories mean a lot to me.”
Jonathan looked surprised by his confession, and Noel blushed slightly. Did he say too much?
“Why?” he asked.
“Because we had a connection even though you were so young and later I couldn’t let you see me anymore.”
“I see what you mean,” Jonathan said thoughtfully. He stumbled back on his feet and started to look for a stick for their snowman’s nose and when he found one he stuck it to the snow ball. “There,” he said. “You couldn’t let me see you until the other night,” Jonathan pointed out.
“That was an accident,” Noel said quietly.
Jonathan ignored the regret in Noel’s voice. “I’m glad I saw you,” he said firmly.
“I am too now, though I got really scared. It wasn’t supposed to happen. I was being careless.”
Jonathan smiled and stepped closer. “I don’t care.”
“Do you want to know why I came back… as a boy?” Noel asked, rather nervously.
“Why?”
Noel closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms around Jonathan. They were the same height and even though Noel’s build was more fragile he could easily pull the surprised boy against his body. The boy stiffened in his arms for a second but then Noel could feel him relaxing. He released him and said, “So that I could do this. I thought you needed it.”
Jonathan fidgeted his hands awkwardly before looking at Noel, “You were right,” he said.
Noel smiled sadly and took Jonathan’s hands. “In that case…” he whispered, pulling Jonathan close to him for a second time. This time Jonathan clung to Noel, his hands grabbing the material of this coat. He’d done the right thing, Noel thought. The boy in his arms shook.
“Are you cold?” Noel asked.
“No,” Jonathan whispered back.
Noel stepped back and Jonathan let go of him. Without sharing a word, they started walking back to Jonathan’s house. Noel noted Jonathan kept glancing at him when he thought he couldn't see. He felt happiness at what he had achieved during their talk, and he was going to dig in deeper to Jonathan’s thoughts before the day ended.
~ ~ ~
The Christmas Day turned into afternoon. Jonathan had showed Noel around the house, not remembering that Noel knew it better than any place in the world. Then his mother had asked them to go to the shop to buy some milk and custard. The boys went and talked about casual subjects. Noel thoroughly enjoyed his day as a human and Jonathan’s company.
The dinner table was decorated with candles, and Jonathan’s mother had prepared plenty of food. Noel looked at the pots and bowls hesitantly; he’d never tried human food before. He decided that vegetables would be the safest choice. When Jonathan’s mother asked if Noel would like some Marmite with his bread, Jonathan mouthed ‘disgusting’ and Noel politely refused. The dinner continued pleasantly and the family asked questions about Noel and how the boys knew each other. Noel mainly let Jonathan answer to keep their story straight.
The boys glanced at each other over the table every now and then and it was hard to keep from smiling. Jonathan’s father lifted his glass. Since it was Christmas, Jonathan and Noel had been allowed some wine. Jonathan lifted also his glass, grinning at Noel when they wished each other Merry Christmas.
After dinner Jonathan’s parents went to visit friends and Jonathan and Noel stayed in the living room. Noel had never paid any attention to it, but now that he looked at the elegant furniture and large room, he realised that the family was probably quite wealthy.
“Did you like your dinner?” Jonathan asked.
“It was an experience,” Noel simply said.
Jonathan chuckled and sat down on the sofa. Noel sat next to him, placing his legs under himself. Jonathan pulled his leg up on the sofa and wrapped his arms around them. “Can I ask you something?” he said.
“Go ahead,” Noel answered.
“How much do you know about me exactly?” he asked quietly. “I mean you’ve been around since I was born,” he looked at Noel as if this was a question. Noel nodded his confirmation and Jonathan continued, “But what do know about me?”
“I know that you’re clever and stubborn. You like to eat chocolate ice cream in your bed at weird times and it doesn’t make your stomach ache. You used to hold your stuffed bunny close to you when you slept, and you still have it now. You often keep your thoughts to yourself but you write a lot,” Noel said, smiling wistfully. When Jonathan didn’t say anything, he continued, “You are sensitive and thoughtful. I know you like to watch comedies and horror films. I don’t like them, but I still can’t bring myself to leave so I hide under your bed. You’re funny and caring. I know you don’t often have friends over,” he said carefully. “I could go on. They may be small things, but to me they are big. I know we could never talk before and maybe I don’t know everything about you, but I’d like to think that I was a part of your life.”
Jonathan looked surprised and confused. “I didn’t know anyone would think such things about me.”
“I do.”
Jonathan sighed. “I wish I’d known.”
“Well, you probably don’t want to know that you tried to eat me for breakfast when you were two years old. I’ve never been more scared in my life.”
Jonathan frowned. “For real?”
“For real. And you just laughed. You have a weird sense of humour,” Noel said, trying to lighten the mood. He sensed Jonathan was on the verge of being upset, but he wasn’t sure why.
Jonathan smiled. “Sorry.”
“You know, I’ve always felt protective of you. More than I should have probably,” Noel said.
“What do you mean?”
“When you were upset, I wanted to… do something, but I couldn’t do much. And that’s the way it should be. I just didn’t want to accept it. That is why I’m here now really,” Noel explained.
“Oh,” Jonathan muttered, hugging his legs tighter.
“And maybe I truly wanted to be a part of your life,” Noel continued. “I wanted you to know me like I know you.”
“Maybe you can be now,” Jonathan said with a hopeful smile paying on his mouth.
“Well, yes. I don’t want you to forget me. Maybe I was selfish coming here for one day but I was desperate,” Noel said wistfully.
Jonathan stared at him with confused eyes. “What?”
“I was desperate– “
“No,” Jonathan exclaimed. “What about one day?”
“I–Jonathan… I have to change back at midnight,” Noel nearly whispered. Jonathan’s tone of voice worried him.
“But I thought…”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier,” Noel apologised.
“Why did you come then?” Jonathan accused. “What’s the point? What? I can’t talk to you again after today?”
Noel’s eyes widened. He hadn’t expected Jonathan to react so strongly. For the first time he stopped to think about the situation from Jonathan’s point of view. He realised how selfish he had been. He had been so desperate for Jonathan to know about him that he didn’t stop and think what it would do to the boy.
“I thought you wanted to…” Jonathan continued.
“What?” he spoke as gently as he could.
“Never mind,” he sneered. “You shouldn’t have come.”
Noel watched in disbelief as Jonathan stood up and practically ran out of the room without even looking at him. Noel sat in the room for a few minutes wondering whether he should leave without saying goodbye. It had gotten dark outside and it was snowing still steadily. The beautiful sight would be perfect to calm one down but Noel was angry and frustrated; he was angry at himself for being so stupid. And now Jonathan was angry at him as well.
The house was quiet as Noel stood up and walked out of the room. He stopped by the staircase, hesitated for a moment but walked the stairs carefully and went to stand outside of Jonathan’s room. The door was closed, and he opened it. Jonathan sat on his bed in the dim blue light that was coming from the star lamp on his window.
“Hey. I’m sorry,” Noel heard himself saying hesitantly.
“No, I’m sorry,” Jonathan replied, looking up.
“Can I come in?”
“Yeah,” Jonathan relented. “I thought you hated my sorry ass and left.”
Noel smiled a bit. “Well, no. I’m still here.”
“Not for long,” Jonathan muttered.
Noel sighed and walked to the bed, sitting on it. He composed himself; he didn’t want Jonathan to take notice of his earlier frustration, he just needed to fix things the best he could. He edged a little closer until he was sitting next to Jonathan, their arms nearly touching.
“I understand I made a mistake,” Noel spoke in a calm voice.
“No, you don’t. You don’t understand,” Jonathan groaned.
“Then tell me,” Noel asked.
Jonathan turned his eyes away and stared into the distance before speaking, “I don’t have many friends or anyone I can talk to. I’m fucked up and I don’t have anyone to tell. School is nightmare because people think I’m a freak. I don’t know why I bother going there.”
Not knowing what to say, Noel gave an apologetic look even though the boy was refusing eye contact. He’d known it; deep down he’d know Jonathan wasn’t all right.
“Then you come here. And you know me and you understand me,” Jonathan turned to look at Noel, his eyes beginning to water. “For once I’m not a freak and then you say you’re going.” He blinked his most eyes. “I’m sorry I said you shouldn’t have come. It’s not that I didn’t want you coming, it’s that I don’t want you going.”
When Noel put his arm around his shoulders, Jonathan began to shake. “It’s hard to stand sometimes. You know a feeling when you walk down the corridor and everyone looks at you like you’re dirt? No one would ever want to be with me.” Noel pulled Jonathan closer and he leaned in to the touch, placing his head against Noel.
“You’re incredibly strong,” Noel said. “I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but someone who isn’t like these people, some nice girl–“
“Boy,” Jonathan interrupted.
It took Noel a few seconds to understand what he meant. “Oh.”
“Yeah,” Jonathan mumbled.
“You will meet some nice boy who isn’t like these people and who’ll like you as you are,” he said gently.
“How stupid to even say it, but I haven’t even had my first kiss yet,” Jonathan sniffed.
Noel watched his face, his eyes were red and they held a miserable look in them. Noel went through in his mind what Jonathan had said and he had a thought. He didn’t have the slightest problem with it but was it the right thing to do? Regardless, he leaned closer and raised Jonathan’s chin with his finger tips so that they were sharing eye contact. Jonathan watched him with confused, yet expectant eyes. The eye contact didn’t last long as Noel brought their lips together into a clumsy kiss. Noel moved his lips in a way he thought he was supposed to while Jonathan stayed still, and the light touch of their lips was over within moments. Jonathan breathed as Noel moved awkwardly, neither of them totally sure if the kiss was over yet. When Noel fixed his eyes on Jonathan’s face again, he saw a small smile on his moist lips.
“Did you like it?” Noel asked.
Jonathan gave a nod, rather shyly. Noel realised that he’d acted quite rashly, but he’d simply followed an instinct.
“I wasn’t sure how to–“
“It was fine,” Jonathan spoke hastily, his cheeks turning a shade of pink.
“Okay then,” Noel said, opening his arms and beckoning Jonathan to lay against him again. He obeyed and nuzzled his cheek against Noel’s neck. “You can still talk to me,” Noel spoke gently.
“How?” Noel could feel Jonathan’s hot breath on his skin.
“I’ll still be here for as long as you need me, just not like this,” Noel assured him.
To that, Jonathan didn’t say anything, and they sat leaning to each other for a while. Noel wondered what was going through Jonathan’s mind but he didn’t want to break the comfortable silence to ask. After a while Noel sensed that Jonathan was growing tired; he rested his head close to Noel’s own with his eyes closed and his body was becoming heavier against Noel’s.
“Come here,” he whispered, guiding the boy to lay on his side on the bed. Noel lowered himself next to Jonathan, and they settled in a comfortable position facing each other. Not being able to stop himself, Noel brushed the dark strands of hair away from Jonathan’s face. His brilliant brown eyes were smiling at him warmly, and Noel felt relieved he’d managed to calm the boy down – yet again, even though this was the first time he was the cause of his distress.
“I don’t want you to go,” Jonathan muttered.
“I’m sorry,” Noel spoke quietly.
As Jonathan snuggled closer, Noel - getting the hint - pulled him into a tight hug. He held Jonathan that way until his breathing became steady and calm and Noel knew he’d fallen asleep.
~ ~ ~
Noel listened to the clock ticking in the darkness; in thirty minutes the Christmas Day would be over. He felt overwhelmed; meeting Jonathan had been more than he’d hoped for but at the same time he couldn’t help worrying what would happed now. Was Jonathan going to be okay? He knew the boy was stronger than he could imagine but lying there in his arms he looked so small and fragile. How was he going to help Jonathan? He knew it for certain that he couldn’t leave Jonathan like this. He needed the fairy no matter what anyone said or thought. But what options did he have?
Jonathan moved in his sleep and clutched the fairy’s fingers tightly. Noel contemplated whether to wake him up or not. He decided to give him a few more minutes and let his eyes wander on his peaceful face and the familiar room. Stretching his long legs, he realised that he’d got almost used to his human body and the realisation made him feel even more reluctant to change back.
He nuzzled his nose to the boy’s neck and whispered, “Jonathan.”
Jonathan’s body jerked and he blinked his eyes rapidly. Realising Noel was still there and in his human form, he relaxed and let out a sleepy, satisfied sound. They stayed silent for a moment until Jonathan raised his head and asked, “What time is it?”
“Fifteen minutes,” Noel answered.
“Happy Christmas, Noel,” Jonathan spoke softly. “This was the best present I’ve ever had. Thank you.”
Noel smiled. “Happy Christmas.”
Neither of them felt the need to speak for a long moment and they simply looked at each other. When midnight was merely a minute away, Jonathan held the fairy tightly and Noel kissed his cheek.
“It’ll be fine,” he said, and for some reason Jonathan believed him.
And then he was simply hugging air, and the clothes he was clasping dropped to his side. Jonathan saw silvery wings quaver and a wink of an eye before Noel flew out of the room. A giggle came out of nowhere, mixing with sobs. Jonathan didn’t even try to control himself but he knew he’d been privileged enough to experience something extraordinary.
~ ~ ~
Did you know that magic is real? I didn’t until it happened to me. Did you know that your most precious dreams can come true? That something you desperately wanted can come to your life in the most unexpected form? It didn’t know what it was until I met him face to face.
You might feel down because you feel different. You might think you’ll never be happy but then you realise that what you wanted had been in front of your nose all along. You just didn’t know it was there. But then a little magic happens and you can see clearly.
I kept talking to him whenever I needed someone and I know he was always there, watching over me. Getting to know him gave me strength and helped me get through that hard time of my life. I still love Christmas - I get to spend it with my best friend; it turned out he turns human every Christmas Day and that alone is more than I hoped for.
- Jonathan---------------
Onnittelut, jos luit loppuun asti
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