Rating: K11?
Warnings: mainittu raiskaus, puhetta itsemurhasta, umm?
Disclaimer: en omista mitäääääääään
Fandom: Glee
---
The first thing Kurt sees when he opens his eyes is white.
So much white, so bright and blinding and for a while he wonders if he really is blind now. His head is spinning, he feels horrible and all he sees is white, and just as he starts to freak out a bit (or okay, a lot) his vision gets steadier and suddenly he can see the place he is in. The air is foggy, it has a pink tint in it and the whole place seems so strangely surreal.
Why is he here? Didn’t he fall asleep in his bed? Did someone find him and… dump him here? He shakes his head. No, if someone found him (and he was still alive, that is) they’d call an ambulance and get him to hospital, he’s supposed to be seeing bright lights and hearing loud noises and the sound of his friends and father crying (he feels a bit bad at that, because he never liked making his father sad) but all he can hear is silence. He can’t see a ceiling, either. Above him is a clear, blue sky, and even the blueness of the sky seems to be too bright. This whole place is too bright. There’s no wind, no sounds, no anything - besides the too-bright sky and the creepily beautiful landscape.
The next question in his mind is “am I dead?”. That is a question he can’t answer, not really, because even though he feels very much solid and alive it might be just an illusion, because who knows what happens after you die? So, he gets up and lifts his left hand just to see if he still can - and feels it hitting something just as solid as he is. There is a tree next to him, and he swears it wasn't there before - somehow it just appeared there. He catches himself from nearly hyperventilating, does his best to calm himself down and sits down again. “Are you supposed to be able to hyperventilate when you’re dead?” he mumbles to himself bitterly. “Are you supposed to feel anything at all?”
Okay, he decides. I’m not dead. Which is a good thing…. Maybe…
So he gets up, again, focuses his eyes on the horizon and decides to walk until he can’t see it anymore.
---
After three days (he guesses it’s something like that, he hasn’t been really keeping count of days, focusing on the growing annoyance in his head instead) of walking, he finds himself feeling as strong and as he did when he firstly came here - he supposes people don’t get tired or hungry after death. Or what ever happened to him. He does, however, feel frustrated. He’s not any closer to the horizon (he didn’t really think he’d get close, excuse you) and the place he is at the exact moment looks a lot like the one he saw when he opened his eyes the first time in here.
So, he huffs angrily under his breath (he wonders what would happen if he stopped breathing here, would he die or would it matter? He can feel his pulse, though, so he supposes he should just keep breathing.) and after quickly looking around him, he lies down on the sand and closes his eyes. He’s mentally exhausted but physically still well-rested, and no matter what he does, he can’t fall asleep. So, he starts tracing random patterns on the sand with one of his hands, willing it to make him fall asleep. It doesn’t really help (or more like, not at all).
“Fuck”, he curses again. “I just want to sleep, goddamn”.
He wonders if it’s night or day in Ohio now. He wonders if his family is sleeping, or eating, or in work, or in school, or whatever they are doing. He imagines his father in the clothes he uses when he works, and Carole in her casual clothes, sitting together on the couch. Finn… He imagines Finn being over at Puck’s, imagines the note he left on the fridge, he imagines the way his father and Carole probably whisper to each other even though they’re alone, he imagines Carole giggling.. And then his family starts to live on it’s own in his head. He can see Carole resting her head on his father’s shoulder, and he can hear her sighing.
“I miss him”, she says softly, and for a while he’s really confused, because Finn is just at Puck’s house, and it looks like it’ll be dinner time soon. But then his father looks at Carole, his eyes so sad and voice broken… And somehow he knows before his father even opens his mouth.
“I miss him too. I wish I’d noticed, I wish I tried harder - I wish I killed that Karofsky boy myself because all this happened, because I miss him and his vegetables and silly clothes and his girl things and -“
Kurt positively aches, drags himself out of it, trying but somehow failing, and ending up in Puck’s house. Finn is eating something (he’s always eating) and trying to play a video game at the same time, but the controller doesn’t quite fit in his hand when it’s full of food and he curses under his breath. There’s something oddly soft in Puck’s eyes when he looks at Finn.
“Are you alright?” he asks, and Kurt is kind of blown away at the gentleness of his voice. Finn looks at him with a confused expression, shoves the rest of the sandwich into his mouth and hums a bit.
“It’s okay, it’s just a game, I just lost, man, it’s no big deal”, he says once his mouth is mostly empty, and Puck shakes his head.
“No, I mean… that Kurt thing. Are you okay?”
“I… Yeah, I suppose. It’s been just a few days though, I don’t know”.
“It must be so hard to you.. And your mother, and his father of course”, he says, and Kurt starts to feel a bit claustrophobic again, struggling out of the dream and into next one, until he thinks he might actually become insane, and the faces of his friends and family are haunting him - and then there’s a hand on his shoulder.
There’s a person.
His eyes fly open and he rolls quickly over so that he’s lying on his stomach, looking at the stranger with his eyes wide and mouth a bit open (he closes it as soon as he notices, because it looks so unattractive and is totally not okay). His hair is full of sand and there’s some in his eyes, too - and then the person, or more like, the boy smiles widely and offers Kurt his hand. Kurt takes it gladly, and, oh - his hand is really smooth.
“Blaine”, he says, his eyes laughing and mouth smiling. “My name. It’s Blaine”, and he stutters and it’s kind of freaking adorable and Kurt has to bite his lip to stop himself from saying something entirely ridiculous and awkward like, “Your name is as pretty as your face” or something like that. He gets up, instead.
“Kurt”, Kurt says weakly, still not fully trusting his legs and leaning on Blaine’s shoulder rather awkwardly. “I’m sorry”, he continues shamefully, not sure what he’s talking about but saying it anyway because he feels like he needs to. The other boy - Blaine - smiles, and gives him a soft “It’s okay” in response.
“I’d say welcome, but this is not a place you want to be in, to be honest”, Blaine says as they walk to the opposite direction than where Kurt was going to. They’ve been talking for a while now, mostly just light chitchat about their lives and families and feelings, but this one sentence leaves Kurt curious, millions of questions of heaven and death on the tip of his tongue. Blaine must have noticed, because he sighs.
“No, you’re not dead. I’d say that you’re in coma, because that’s what people say in here. That this is where your mind goes when your body falls asleep and doesn’t wake up - this is a place for people who are not alive, but not dead yet.”
And okay, that makes sense. Kurt nods, opens his mouth and closes it again, because the question he was about to ask would just be too rude. It’s personal and he has no right to ask something like that - so he shuts his mouth. Blaine, however, notices.
“What’s it?” he asks. Kurt bites his lip. “You can ask me, I won’t break or get mad or anything”, he promises with a smile, and okay then.
“Why are you here?” he blurts out, covering his mouth with somewhat horrified expression on his face. “I mean, oh god, it wasn’t supposed to come out like that, I’m sorry”, he babbles. Blaine laughs a bit.
“Calm down, I said you could ask me, I’m not going to feel hurt. I’m past that point, I guess.” he smiles sadly. “I committed suicide. Or so I thought, because apparently I failed… And now I’m stuck here and I have like literally no idea if they will just kill me or if I will wake up or if I’ll just live here forever… This is the worst part of being here, not getting to decide of your own life”, he says, understanding the expression on Kurt’s face correctly. “You can’t kill yourself here, trust me, I’ve tried. It just doesn’t work”.
“So… I might never wake up?” Kurt says, biting his lip again. “I might just have to be here forever?”
“Well, technically, yes. As long as your body is still alive”, he shrugs. “You might wake up, too. Then you just fade and fade and then disappear, as in wake up in the ”reality””, he says, drawing quotation marks in the air at the word “reality”.
“And if you die? Where do you go?”
“There’s a glass wall on the end of this place. I believe it’s what they call heaven on the other side of it. Some people who left appeared there later… I haven’t seen the other people after that, so I think they woke up.
“So there are other people?” Kurt asks, and Blaine chuckles. “Of course there are”, he says, as if it was the most natural thing ever. “There’s even a city”, he says, giggling when Kurt’s eyes widen.
“I thought I was alone”, he huffs. “I thought I’d never see other people again. I thought I’d die alone - no, but I apparently can’t die here so what ever”.
“Well, obviously you were wrong”, Blaine says, squeezing his hand. “C’mon, let’s go to my house”.
--
Blaine’s house is beautifully decorated, little apartment on the top floor of an apartment house, and the lock clicks as Blaine opens the door. Kurt raises his eyebrows at the lack of key and Blaine shrugs.
“They use fingerprints here”, he says casually, throwing himself on a little couch on the end of the room. Kurt stands on the doorway looking unsure, and Blaine taps the spot next to him on the couch. Kurt sits next to him carefully.
“I’m so tired”, Blaine groans. “I wish I could sleep”. Kurt nods in agreement, moving into a more comfortable position on the couch.
“I wish I could sleep, too”, he says softly, curling into a ball and looking at Blaine from under his eyelashes. “I feel tired all the time but at the same time I don’t feel tired at all. I just want to sleep”.
They sit there for a long while, Kurt trying to keep his distance but giving up eventually, letting his side touch Blaine’s, and Blaine smiles softly at the contact. Kurt guesses it’s okay.
It’s weird how much he trusts Blaine already. He just met him, and still, somehow, he feels like he’s known him for a lifetime, doesn’t mind being so close to him even though he usually flinches when someone touches him. He supposes the way Blaine looks like doesn’t make any difference to what he’s feeling, but he can’t help but admire his face a bit. He’s got delicate cheekbones, strong jaw and messy, dark curly hair. The way his eyes shine makes him forget how to breathe for a while, and if Blaine wasn’t awake and staring at him with an amused expression on his face, he’d try to count all the shades of brown from his eyes. All in all, Kurt thinks that Blaine is a really beautiful boy.
Blaine asks if he wants to stay with him, tells him that he has a spare bed and a toothbrush, plays with his fingers a bit and smiles nervously.
Kurt says yes.
----
Kurt ends up living in Blaine’s apartment.
Blaine shrugs and says him that he can sleep on the couch if he wants to, but that it would be okay if he wanted to sleep in the bed instead.
“It’s a big bed, Kurt. And I’m not going to like, you know, rape you in your sleep or something, I mean, if you want to”, he says, not noticing how Kurt flinches at the word “rape”. But he thinks for just a little while and smiles then.
So they start to share a bed.
And then they start to cuddle. Because Kurt is a blanket-stealer and Blaine is a cuddle-whore, especially when he’s asleep and cold, and Kurt decides that spooning feels kind of nice and secure and he doesn’t mind Blaine’s arms around him at all, although the does question the kind of friendship they’re having. Because Kurt’s pretty sure friends don’t cuddle in their sleep. At least, he can’t remember doing it with Mercedes, and she’s like, his best friend ever.
But they don’t talk about it. So Kurt guesses it’s okay.
---
The day Kurt finds out he’s in love with Blaine is absolutely mortifying.
Not only because he’s suddenly in love with his best and only friend in here, but also because earlier that day Blaine walks into him changing clothes and it’s awkward as fuck and then they kind of fight (not over walking into Kurt changing clothes, excuse you) and suddenly Kurt is a sobbing mess in the corner of the sofa (because Blaine marched into the bedroom and claimed the bed which Kurt would very much prefer) because he doesn’t want to fight with Blaine.
Because Blaine is everything to him nowadays. He’s his best friend, adorable, dorky, funny, dapper Blaine who never thinks anything but the best of people and Kurt doesn’t want to lose him because of some stupid fight which started of a fucking carpet and coffee stains, and it’s too much and suddenly he just kind of bursts through the door and -
Kind of lands on his face. Totally elegant. Which only makes him cry harder and Blaine’s face is completely mortified and Kurt laughs a bit but mostly he just cries and tries to tell Blaine how sorry he is at the same time. And Blaine sighs because that’s what he always does and then he gathers Kurt into his arms and hugs him so tight and Kurt wraps all of his limbs around Blaine like a giant octopus and then they stand there for a while just hugging each other.
And it would be absolutely perfect when Blaine finally whispers “I’m sorry” if Kurt weren’t too busy staring at Blaine’s lips and the tear stains on them and wishing he could kiss them away.
Because fuck you, Kurt Hummel, for crushing on your only friend while being in coma.
---
It takes a lot of time from Kurt, a lot of courage (“courage, Kurt, courage”, he hears Blaine saying in his head and closes his eyes) and a lazy day but finally he’s got Blaine on the couch, and sits beside him.
“Uhm”, he starts, catches an amused glint in Blaine’s eyes and throws a pillow at him because hey, you don’t make fun of Kurt Hummel. “I, uhm… I need to tell you something” he says once the pillow is back on it’s place and Blaine’s hair looks less like he’s been hit with, well, a pillow.
“Okay”, he says simply. Kurt sighs. Okay, this is the hardest part. Ugh.
“I, uhm… IthinkImightbeinlovewithyou”, Kurt blurts out, quickly and he can practically feel the heat spreading on his cheeks. And Blaine smirks, looks into his eyes and sighs.”I know. I’ve known it for like, forever. And Kurt… You know, there is a moment, when you say to yourself ”oh, there you are. I’ve been looking for you forever”. There was a moment like that. To me. About you. Kurt, I’ve been looking for you forever.”
There’s a brief pause when Kurt just lets the words sink in, breathes in Blaine and takes a shuddering breath just before he feels Blaine’s lips on his.
Kurt wonders if it counts as a first kiss if you’re in coma while having it.
----
And it’s perfect for a long while.
They spend their days learning to love each other, drawing each other’s faces with their fingers and Kurt wonders if it can even get. Blaine works in a shop nearby (even though they don’t really need food, and therefore no money either), comes home every day at the same time and smells like Blaine and sunshine, even when it rains, and Kurt falls a little more in love with him every day.
They buy Kurt an easel and paint brushes, a few different kinds of paint, and he spends the evenings outside of the house painting the scenery. He asks Blaine to model for him, and he does, and eventually they have a great collection of paintings of Blaine’s face. And a few of the scenery, too. It never stops amazing Blaine how good the paintings are, and Kurt keeps getting better and better, learning from mistakes and learning new ways to make the paintings look even more real, and Blaine tells him to stop one day.
“I don’t want them to jump out of the paintings, good lord, I don’t want to have my faces walking around streets”, he says, and Kurt snorts, bats his hand and tells him to fuck off.
“I can’t get your eyes right, though”, he says one day, looks miserable and puts the paintbrush on the table. “I try and try and try but they don’t look right”. Blaine takes a look on the painting he’s working on (absolutely gorgeous and almost as if a photo) and snorts.
“What about you fuck off, Mr. Hummel? It’s absolutely gorgeous, just like the model”, he adds smugly, shrieking when Kurt jumps on him.
“You, Blaine Anderson, are the most big-headed person I have ever had the pleasure to met”, he says in a mock-judgemental tone. “You deserve to be punished”, and just like that, he has his hands under Blaine’s shirt, tickling his sides where he’s the most ticklish, just under his ribs and sits on his legs to prevent him from escaping.
They kiss. Quite a lot. And maybe, just maybe, this night they go further.
They don’t fuck, or have sex, because they make love even when Kurt snorts at the name and bats Blaine’s arm playfully.
---
“Why did you attempt suicide?”
It’s one of those stupidly perfect days this place seems to only have and they’re laying on their bed with Kurt’s head on Blaine’s chest, the shorter boy’s hand tangled in Kurt’s hair and the sun setting outside.
Blaine sighs (he does that a lot when he doesn’t want to answer to something but does anyway because he believes in things like honesty in relationships).
“Let’s just say that I was really, really unhappy and some people in my school were treating me like crap. And they kind of like, kicked my ass. Quite hard. I was in hospital for a month”.
And now it’s Kurt’s time to sigh. Only that he doesn’t, but looks up at Blaine with a horrified expression on his face.
“What… That’s…. That’s…. That’s horrible! Didn’t anyone do anything? No, wait of course they didn’t. I just… I’m so sorry, Blaine”, he says with a tearful sigh (yes, he sighs now, and Blaine gives himself a mental pat because of course he was going to sigh, he always sighs when they talk about things like this) and Blaine wraps his arms around him tighter.
“Yeah, I… I kind of snapped after I got home from hospital and they told me that they couldn’t do anything because it happened outside of the school time. I kind of emptied my bottle of sleeping pills”, he says and looks kind of sheepish and Kurt really can’t help but smile at his expression, even though the subject itself is horrible.
“I’m so sorry”, he says again, and feels Blaine smile against his hair and wonders vaguely, how something like this feels so light and easy when it’s nothing like that at all.
So Kurt takes a deep breath and tells him all about Karofsky and the kiss and how he promised to kill him and then he shrugs and says that he decided he might as well do it himself. And how it went wrong and people took sharp objects away from him because he didn’t succeed but chickened out the last second and woke his parents up crying, and how the next time Karofsky got him alone he did a lot more than just kissed him and how he broke into the medicine cabinet when no-one was home and no-one ever noticed that he had stuffed them under his bed, and then one day he just broke and swallowed handful after handful of anything the bottles held inside.
By the time he finishes Blaine is kind of crying, and even though he’s slightly confused Kurt turns around so that he has his arms free and wraps them around Blaine and just holds him.
And it’s okay, in some twisted way it’s okay. So that’s what Kurt keeps whispering into Blaine’s hair.
----
Kurt doesn’t count days anymore.
Somewhere between the days two hundred and twenty five and two hundred and fifty three it kind of lost it’s meaning, because it’s the same anyway. Kurt lets himself to drift in time, kisses Blaine and soars around in a over-sized t-shirt he’d never imagined wearing. He’s going to stay in here for a long time, maybe, so there’s no point in counting the days. Blaine never changes, Kurt does neither, and they love each other more and more each passing day.
It’s perfect, so, so perfect, and Kurt could just live here forever.
They’re lying on their bed, with Kurt’s head on Blaine’s chest, thumbs rubbing little circles onto his arm and thinking furiously.
“Blaine?” he asks. Blaine mhms and opens his eyes, catching the sight of Kurt biting at his lip.
“How… How long have you been here?” his voice is quiet and unsure, but Blaine hears him anyway.
“I stopped counting after two thousand and five hundred days. I don’t know. Long”. Kurt nods against his chest and snuggles closer.
“I know it may sound selfish, but I wish we’d never wake up”.
“Me neither”.
It’s so perfect it hurts.
Until it isn’t.
Because one day when Blaine comes home from work, Kurt notices for the first time that something is wrong. He’s flickering, the edges of his body trembling like his bottom lip, and he only barely catches him when he throws himself on Kurt.
“Blaine”, he gasps, wraps his arms around Blaine and lets out a surprised sound when his finger goes straight through the edge of his arm. Blaine flinches only barely, wraps his arms tightly around Kurt and the look in his eyes is wild.
“I don’t want to go, Kurt, please, don’t make me go, I love you”, he whimpers, tears flowing down his face. He’s a mess, and Kurt leads him to the bedroom, and he waits while Kurt lays down on the bed with his arms spread open and falls into them then.
“I’m fading. I’m waking up”.
It’s simple, there’s no question in his voice, no fear anymore. He sounds like a exhausted little boy who has done more than he ever needed to, he curls up into Kurt like a small bird and lets his eyes drop closed.
“How much time do we have?” Kurt asks softly, snuggling closer to the other boy. “Please tell me we still have time, please”.
Blaine whimpers. “Little less than a day, I think. Please, please just hold me, Kurt…”
So Kurt holds him in his arms until the break of dawn illuminates Blaine’s tear stained face.
---
“I can see through you”.
Blaine nods mutely, grasps Kurt’s hand tighter and closes his eyes. Kurt swears he can see Blaine fading more in intense sharp pulses. He thinks he can feel his own fingers through Blaine’s hand.
“I’m scared”, Blaine whispers. “I’m going to wake up. I’m going to wake up, Kurt, what if I wont remember you? What if you wont wake up?”
Kurt pulls him close, shushes him, presses a kiss on his temple and takes a trembling breath.
“You wont. And I’ll remember you always. Forever. Even if I wont wake up. I love you”.
And when he finally fades, Kurt’s eyes widen and even though he swore that he wouldn’t, he’s panicking, reaches forward once more and screams.
“I love you, Blaine Anderson, don’t you dare to forget it!”. And he’s gone.
Kurt falls on his knees and cries.
----
The next weeks fade into nothingness, day by day.
Kurt spends his time in haze, lies in their (his, he reminds himself. Now, anyway.) bed and stares at the ceiling and imagines shadows of Blaine. Closing his eyes doesn’t help, living doesn’t help, breathing doesn’t help.
Kurt doesn’t really know what to do now when Blaine is gone, has his heart with him (even though it sounds so cheesy Kurt can relate to the sentence with every single heartstring of his) and probably lives without even remembering Kurt.
He throws the paintings away except the one he painted that one time before whining about not being able to paint Blaine’s eyes. He presses the cool surface against his skin and cries.
He doesn’t know anyone in here. He doesn’t even want to.
Kurt curls up into a small ball and tries to fall asleep so hard he feels like breaking something.
It takes him several months (Six? Seven?) before he stops trying to fall asleep.
He starts to get up in mornings, tries to capture the sun just before it rises and lies in the grassy ground the rest of the day. Sun is bright and the sky is blue, the air smells like Blaine and Kurt’s eyes are dry for once.
And when the sun falls, he collects his things and goes back into his apartment, lets them fall on the ground and falls into the bed himself.
He watches the sun rise, watches it fall and suddenly he feels so empty it hurts.
----
It’s one of those days when all he can think about is Blaine, all he can smell is Blaine, all he can hear is Blaine… It’s one of those days he prays he could fall asleep.
He can’t, of course he can’t, doesn’t even bother to try anymore but then there’s a thought flashing in his mind, “what if I could try to wake up instead?”
So he does.
---
It doesn’t feel like waking up.
It’s more like breaking the surface, feels like breathing air for the first time for ages and he can feel tears running down his face. There are voices, panicked and beeping, and someone is holding his hand (Blaine, Blaine, I want Blaine) and he has to struggle a while before he manages to open his eyes. It’s white, again, bright and blinding, and he blinks.
“Kurt! Oh my God, he’s awake!”, someone screams but it’s not Blaine so it doesn’t matter, Kurt closes his eyes and groans, it’s white white white, and somewhere between black and white he catches a glimpse of brown eyes and someone screams a name he only barely recognises (blaine blaine blaine).
He falls asleep eyes open and someone grasps his hand.
---
The second time he wakes up is a lot easier.
He can’t really remember the first awakening, rubs his forehead and looks confused when his father asks him about “Blaine”.
“Who’s Blaine?” Kurt asks, all white skin and black bags under his eyes, fallen deep into the mattress with a blank expression.”I don’t know, I was hoping you could tell me”, his dad asks and Kurt frowns.
“But I don’t know anyone called Blaine”.
----
He’s allowed to go home after two weeks, two weeks of people asking him why and two weeks of endless hugs and promises to notice the signs next time. Kurt smiles at them awkwardly, tells them that he’s well able to walk himself (and falls totally elegantly over his bags) and throws himself on his own bed.
Finn knocks at his door and asks him if he wants anything, but Kurt shakes his head because right now all he needs is his own room, own bed and own closet with his own clothes. And something, something he can’t name, but there’s a vague ache in his heart, and he knows that something is missing. He lost something, and he aches for it.
His family doesn’t ask about the boy called Blaine anymore. They stick strictly around subjects like food, school and weather, and Kurt is thankful, he really is, because thinking hurts right now. His head is still a bit sore sometimes, and if he’d get to decide, he’d never think again. Sometimes, he wonders if the ache has a name. Sometimes he wonders if the ache is called Blaine.
He dreams of golden eyes and messy hair.
---
Kurt is allowed to go to school two months later.
If Burt got to decide, he’d never go to school again. Kurt, however, can be annoyingly persistent when he wants to, so after a week of constant whining Burt calls to the headmaster, fills papers and suddenly Kurt is a student of McKinley High again.
He’s standing in the hallway rather awkwardly, fumbling with his clothes as other people walk past him to their classes. No-one slams him into a locker. No-one slushies him. It’s quiet and awkward and weird, he’s not sure what to do so he walks to his class and sits. No-one looks at him.
He supposes they know, and he finds his fingers playing with his scars absent-mindedly. He’s not sure if it’s good or bad, but he’s grateful that they don’t say anything. He’d rather forget.
---
It’s not until two weeks later when Mr. Schue gets the awesome boys vs. girls idea, doesn’t seem to hear Kurt’s protests but forces him to stay in the boys’ team. Kurt tries to look offended but fails somewhat. It’s kind of nice that people don’t do everything he wants just because he nearly died, so he hides his smile behind a frown and walks to the boys’ team grumpily. Puck, being the thoughtful moron he is, tells Kurt to fuck off and go and stalk the Garglers (Warblers, Kurt corrects and Puck waves his hand dismissively because who the fuck cares) so Kurt does.
And not only he does what Puck told him to, but he also takes the whole mission with burning enthusiasm because, well, the Warblers? Dalton? Hello? A school for just boys? Kurt feels like he hasn’t heard anything quite as cool in a while, because a school for just boys has to mean that the population is mainly gays and gays means bigger chance to actually get a boyfriend and - okay, stop right there Kurt Hummel. Thank you. Because no, Kurt doesn’t need a boyfriend. He doesn’t want one, either.
So, when he makes his way to the school and stops his car he spends a little while in the car before getting out. He’s not sure what he’s going to do, he has no strategy and the Warblers - alongside with the other students - are most likely going to kill him if they find out, so he sends a little love to his family and friends in his mind before stepping out.
And woah, Dalton really is fancy. It’s kind of huge, and all the people - all the boys - have matching uniforms (navy and red, really?) and they look so…. Rich, and Kurt knows immediately that he could never in his life pay the tuition to go here, and he kind of frowns before walking the stairs down, and woah, there’s something going on. People are running - or walking really really really fast but it doesn’t really matter, because it looks like they’re hurrying to get to see something - and with a pang Kurt realizes that it must be the Warblers. Because it looks like in here the glee club is actually cool, and people want to see it, and it seems like the don’t have slushies here, so it has to mean that people are not even going there to humiliate them. And wow, it does hurt, because no matter what New Directions ever did they never made it to the list of cool people. And he kind of wants to go home. And then he catches a glimpse of brown hair.
And the world stops spinning.
Because suddenly the ache is back, it’s back and so strong Kurt feels like he’s going to explode, and he kind of gasps and the boy with brown hair turns around and -
Woah.
Their eyes meet and Kurt kind of dies inside.
It’s not like in movies, not at all, because the world doesn’t suddenly turn around them, no-one sobs when they look into each other’s eyes, no-one shouts ”finally” (because there’s nothing ‘finally’ in this, Kurt tells himself), but they stand there for a long while, and suddenly Kurt realizes that his mouth must still be open so he closes it because that’s totally unattractive and looks stupid and - well, the boy in front of him is staring at him too.
So, apparently, he wasn’t the only one with the ache.
Or there’s food on his face or something.
“Kurt?” the boy whispers, then, his voice broken and so, so familiar and Kurt feels like spinning even though this is not a movie, because this can’t be true, it can’t be true… But what ever, he thinks, and his voice breaks only slightly when he calls the boys name tentatively, his eyes probably wider than they should be. But then the boy’s eyes start to shine and suddenly he remembers.
Because oh my god. This is Blaine. This is the Blaine he loved and the Blaine who disappeared and oh dear God. Because then Blaine is hugging him and he has to hug him back even though he’s usually bad with human contact, and he finds himself crying and okay then, because then he has lips on his and Blaine tastes like tears and this isn’t supposed to feel this familiar but okay, then, because it does and Kurt cries so hard he thinks he’s going to break because Blaine still tastes like sunshine.
---
It takes a month until they can actually let go of each other long enough to have coffee (because that includes sitting opposite to each other because hey, it’s still Ohio) but when they do, Kurt is slightly blown away because what the fuck, Blaine knows his coffee order? But he just smiles back at Kurt and pokes his forehead.
“Don’t frown, you’re going to get wrinkles”, he says, and Kurt pouts, and shoves Blaine (gently, because he’s got their coffees in his hands) and they giggle a bit and yes, it’s nice.
They haven’t really talked about the way they first met. Kurt isn’t really sure why, but he supposes Blaine feels like he does - like it has only been a pleasant, absurd dream and bringing it up would break everything. So they don’t talk about it.
They do talk about everything else, though. Blaine talks about the Warblers, and his friends, and his family and his teachers and Kurt laughs and tells him about his friends and family and New Directions and Mr. Schue and Blaine laughs too, sometimes. But mostly he just looks at him. Mostly they just look at each other.
The doorbell chimes, and Rachel walks in with Mercedes. They’re talking about something, and Kurt nudges Blaine.
“That’s Rachel, oh my god. And that’s Mercedes”. And Blaine nods and smiles and looks at them, even when Kurt continues looking at him.
“They’re coming here”, Blaine notices and Kurt snorts because yes, they are, and he waves at them a bit.
“Hi”, he says and they say hi too, and Rachel looks at Blaine rather curiously until her expression brightens and she perks up.
“You must be Blaine! Kurt won’t shut up about you”, Rachel says with an angelic tone and offers her hand to Blaine. “I’m Rachel Berry”.
Kurt and Blaine share an amused glance over their coffee cups even though Kurt is rapidly blushing and Rachel is still shaking Blaine’s hand. So they have a nice little conversation, and even though Rachel is a bit inappropriate at times they all have a good time and by the time Blaine glances his clock and remembers that hey, he was supposed to be back at Dalton at five Kurt doesn’t hesitate to kiss him when they get up from their seats.
“Drive safe”, he says and Blaine nods, kisses his cheek and walks out of the door.
And Kurt presses his cheek against the cold window and sighs softly to himself even over Rachel’s high-pitched ranting about how “he totally should have told them that they actually are a couple” and in his mind he’s already living the next day when they’ll be going out again… And he smiles.
Because things are just fine.
