Kirjoittaja Aihe: The heartless | ENG. Draco/Harry S-oneshot  (Luettu 4068 kertaa)

hymykuoppa

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The heartless | ENG. Draco/Harry S-oneshot
« : 13.04.2008 15:16:53 »
Title: The heartless
Song: H.I.M - The heartless (-97)
Genre: Angst (slash)
Paring: Draco / Harry
Raiting: S
Author: hymykuoppa
Summary: Sometimes life just kicks us, but we have to get up and stand more stroger than ever, but always is just don't go like that. Sometimes the kick can be very hard, and it can breaks us to a thousands of shrapnels.

A/N: Todellakin, tässäpä olisi hymykuopan ensimmäinen englanniksi taituroitu ficci. En oikein tiedä että onko se kamalan oikein kirjoitettu, mutta joo. Yritin ja toivottavasti pidätte (:


THE HEARTLESS


I swallowed my first tears and closed my eyes. I heard Dracos breahting very clearly behind me. I was sitting on my bed and put my head against my chest. Weep sticked on my throat and breathing was uncomfomtable

Can't you see he's the heartless
Your pain is not love


"Look", Draco started to speak, "I can't understand why you're taking that so hard. It is nothing, you know? We both just have to decide what we want of our lives and that's all."

I swallowed again and scratch my temple slowly. Weep was crushing my throat and tears obviated to me see anything. I saw just a couple of black spots.

Your time is running out
And you still haven't made up your mind


"Don't be a crybaby", Draco sighted sounded like tired. I heard how the other boy moved on the another side of the bed. Draco pressed his back against my own and I reel forward. I tried to dry my tears, but there was just a too much of those.

Can't you see he's the heartless

"I know what you're tryign to say", Dracos voice was smooth and there was nothing feeling on that sound, "You love me, I know."
"And you love me, right?" I tried to laught, but that was just a try. My voice was silent and very deep, 'cause I didn't wanted to sound week - but I knew I did.
I realised that Draco wasn't answer. He just breath slowly.

"Right?" I turned around and raised my other knee on the bed, "Draco?"
Blond boy did't looked at me. He just look to the dark, which was aroud us.
"Right?" I repeated and hampered the tear coming back on my eyes.

You can't see he's the heartless
Your pain won't ever be love


I shaked my head slowly and devoured my cry. I knew Draco heard my abrupt breath, but I didn't care anymore. Boy, who I loved, turned to a heartless guy. His heart was as a stone and his eyes were empty, when he turned on my side. His eyes were gray and he sounded like a some robot.

"No, Harry, I don't."

He's the hearless



A/N2: Se oli sellainen lyhyt pätkä englanniksi, enkä todellakaan ole oikein varma siitä, että miten se nyt meni :D mutta kertokaa toki rohkeasti ome mielipiteenne ja kritiikkinne, niin koitan ottaa ne hymy kasvoillani vastaan ja petrata seuraavaan englannin kieliseen ficciin, jos sellaista nyt tulee koskaa (: Mutta ainakin tämän ulkoasu on hienoa, eikö? :D
« Viimeksi muokattu: 14.06.2011 23:47:02 kirjoittanut Unrealistic »
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if you're looking truth, beauty and freedom, fanfiction is the way to go.♥
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Mullistus

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Vs: The heartless
« Vastaus #1 : 15.04.2008 16:09:54 »
pidin.
School is practice for future, practice makes perfect, nobody is perfect, so why practice?

Carabella Lëralondîr

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Vs: The heartless
« Vastaus #2 : 15.04.2008 17:50:30 »
Tässä oli oikeastaan melko hauraskin tunnelma, vaikka itselleni se meni hiukan ylidramaattiseksi - tai no, perus Harry/Dracoa oikeastaan. Kyllä tämä ihan luettava oli, vaikka henkilökohtaisesti suosittelisin suomesa pitäytymistä, koska tässä oli kuitenkin melko paljon peruskieliopin ja sanataivutusten virheitä.

Lainaus
I realised that Draco wasn't answer. He just breath slowly.

Tässäkin kohtaa peruskieliopin virhe: wasn't pitäisi olla didn't. Be-verbi on konkreettista olemista kun taas do ilmaisee tekemistä.

Lainaus
Blond boy did't looked at me. He just look to the dark, which was aroud us.

Didn't (puhdas näppäilyvirhe luultavasti). Look- verbin pitäisi olla imperfektissä looked, koska muu tarinakin on.

No jaa, en nyt tartu muihin virheisiin. Mutta kokonaisuudeltaan tämä oli ihan nätti.

hymykuoppa

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Vs: The heartless
« Vastaus #3 : 15.04.2008 18:16:19 »
Joo, eiköhän se suomi ole minun juttuni. Mutta hei, kaikkea pitää kokeilla  :D
Mutta kiitos Mullistus ja Carabella Lëralondír (:
Live the adventure of a lifetime.

if you're looking truth, beauty and freedom, fanfiction is the way to go.♥
Patoutunut humoristi.