alaotsake: ihastumiskuvailu, Hermione/Kalkaros, S, englanniksi
Author: Iero-Way
Genre: angst, (hurt/comfort)
Ikäraja: S
Pairing: Hermione/Snape (Hermione/Ginny)
A/N: haasteet: Yhtyeen tuotanto: Rufus Wainwright - Art Teacher, Genrehaaste: darkfic, FF100: sana musta, Perspektiiviä parittamiseen: opettaja, Kliseekeittoa II: Harry Hermione rakastuu epätoivoisesti Severukseen
There I was in uniform
Looking at the art teacher
I was just a girl then;
Never have I loved since then
I have always preferred wisdom over muscles. When boys of my age spoke about Quidditch, I used to listen Snape, who spoke about Dark Arts with incredible passion. He knew so much. His voice, as deep as black velvet would have been, he pronounced words so long I only could stop and stare him all classes. His voice started to echo in my dreams and I knew I had crush on him. My dreams were full of black, like his hair, like his rope, like his all essence. I didn’t feel black as agonizing as others, it was like brand new pink for me.
I didn’t understand a word, when Harry and Ron kept just talking about broomsticks or about their last game. I immersed on Dark Arts, and I started to get Outstandings from my essays and still it wasn’t enough. This time it was personal. I became aware, that I all I really wanted was Snape.
Perfection got its grip on me. I needed Outstandings more than ever before. Still, more than best grades, I needed him. I was better than even Malfoy, and even Snape noticed it, though they could not admit it to themselves.
I think he knew that I fancied him, that he just never admitted it to himself. Bit awkward, yes it was, but when a small girl had fallen in love, there was no way to stop her.
He asked us what our favorite work of art was,
But never could I tell him it was him
Oh, I wish I could tell him –
Oh, I wish I could have told him
“The Dark Arts is the most interesting, that they allow us to teach to you in this school.”
Like I said, he was really into Dark Arts.
My eyes, I was sure that they beat as hearts, so big and red, like in muggle comics I’ve read in my childhood. Such a silly girl I was then. I have always been a girl, who liked mysteries (and solving them, with my clever mind).
He was so far yet so close. Never thought this would have something as good as Snape, and just for me.
His passion to The Dark Arts, it was art to me. I wanted to discover its secrets, keep them deep down in my heart. He taught me to feel… love. My own prince of darkness.
When the others spoke about Snape, I couldn’t say a word. They said things like “he is so sick” and “his hair is so ugly” and stuff like that. I couldn’t let anyone know, that I had a crush on him, they wouldn’t have understood it. I would have became even more teacher’s pet I already was. Yet, I wasn’t Snape’s pet, not at all. I think he even disliked me more than before.
Or maybe it was just my imagination…
Still, he felt at least something for me. Better to hate, than feel nothing at all, I told to myself. No matter how strongly he was going to hate me, I had decided to tell him about my feelings. What I hadn’t decided, was how and when.
If I had knewn it was my last year in school, I had had told him earlier…
Sixth year, me, Harry and Ron, we were walking outside from castle, to platform, where the train was already waiting for us.
Harry was more silent than he was usually, though Ron already whined about he being lonely all summer. I was only listening with half an ear. How would I ever last the whole summer without Snape?
Suddenly, Harry dropped the bomb, told us:
“I ain’t coming back next year, I’m gonna kill the Voldemort and then be all wizarding world’s hero.”
Ron said he was coming with Harry. I had no choice but join along them.
I never had a change like school, no never again.
When he died at Great Battle of Hogwarts, he died without knowing I loved him from my whole shrivelled heart.
***
Here I am in this uniformish, pant-suit sort of thing,
Thinking of the art teacher
I was just a girl then;
Never have I loved since then
“Darling, what are you thinking about?” Ginny asks. I turn my head towards her.
“Oh, nothing. Why?”
“You seem so quiet. Is everything alright?” she keeps worrying. I smile though it hurts.
It’s all past now, Hermione, it’s time to forget, and you can’t change the past.
“Alright. Well, I’m going to sleep now, it’s been long day. Come on girl, I hate sleeping alone…” Ginny says, grin on her beautiful, freckly face. Her smile sends away my worries about unsucceeded past.
Maybe it’s better this way…
No, never have I loved any other man
