Title: Don't leave me here, my guiding light
Author: Hysteric
Fandom: Glee
Pairing: Kurt/Blaine
Rating: K11
Genre: angst
Summary: "I never thought we would end up like this.
We were – are – supposed to get our happily ever after. Together. You and me. No matter what everyone says, I know that we belong together. I love you. And I know you love me. Even if you can’t tell me that right now."
A/N: En edes tiedä mistä idea alunperin tuli, mutta jaa. Viime yö tuli taas valvottua eh, ja tätäkin tuli kirjotettua jonneki aamuseitsemään asti. Hups.
Also, SUURI PÄIVÄ ja pakko hehkuttaa koska PWOUD. Darrenin ensimmäinen päivä, tänään siitä tulee virallisesti Broadway-tähti ja oon ollu ihan askdjfdjasklklak koko päivän. BREAK A LEG, BB, YOU'LL BE INCREDIBLE. COURAGE. ♥
Ja also BUD. The most awesomest word in the history of ever.
Ok en puhu enempää, tässä tämä ja hope you enjoi.
// oh, ja otsikkohan on siis tietysti Placebon biisistä Kings Of Medicine.
*****
I never thought we would end up like this.
We were – are – supposed to get our happily ever after. Together. You and me. No matter what everyone says, I know that we belong together. I love you. And I know you love me. Even if you can’t tell me that right now.
We were not supposed to end up here.
“Wake up”, I whisper, but it makes no difference. Your chest rises slowly as you breathe peacefully, eyes closed. Like you’re just asleep and going to wake up any minute now.
I caress your palm with my thumb softly.
“Wake up.”
*****
But time passes, and you don’t wake up.
I spend most of my time here with you, watch your closed eyes and calm breathing. I hold your hand, and every time I squeeze it you squeeze back, and I jump, until I remember it’s just a reflex and you’re just as deep in unconsciousness as you were five minutes ago.
*****
Everyone says you’re not waking up.
They tell me to give up and move on. Even Dad, Carole and Finn.
“Let go”, Finn said. I snapped at him, shouting things I don’t even remember.
I haven’t apologized to him, but he apologized to me, saying he understands and he’s sorry and he knows he should have not said that because he knows what you mean to me. I accepted. I know I should apologize to him, too, because it’s not his fault, but I can’t bring myself to make the effort.
To be honest, I haven’t been able to make much effort to do anything lately. I miss you too much to care anymore.
“Wake up”, I whisper. “I love you. I need you. Please wake up.”
But you don’t.
*****
I don’t know how much time has passed.
The doctor asked me to sign a permission to plug off the machines, he said you’re not waking up and I should give up unnecessary hope. I yelled at him and stormed out.
And somehow ended up at Lima Bean.
Do you remember how we used to go here all the time?
When everything was fine and neither of us was in the hospital, comatose.
When I was in love with you and you were oblivious.
When you had realized your feelings and we were young and happy and in love.
When you had befriended Sebastian and he tried to break us apart, failing, because our love is so
much stronger than that.
When everything was fine and neither of us had been hit by a drunk driver.
When neither of us had to fear if we ever got to kiss each other again. If we ever got to tell each other “I love you” again. If we ever got to look each other in the eye again.
We had our whole future ahead.
We were supposed to graduate together. Move to New York together. Get a puppy together and have me teasing you about how much you two were alike and you showing me your irresistible puppy eyes and me kissing you.
We were supposed to get married and have white roses and lilies in our wedding, and a band playing Teenage Dream as we’re dancing. We were supposed to adopt children and spoil them rotten. We were supposed to be in love and grow old together.
And now it’s all gone.
“Can I get anything for you?”
I look up, biting my lip as a young waitress smiles at me.
“A nonfat mocha, please. And a medium drip –“ I turn my gaze to the empty seat opposite mine and stop mid-sentence. “Just a nonfat mocha.” The waitress nods and leaves, I bury my face on my palms and for the first time since the day you got admitted into the hospital, I let myself break out in tears.
*****
When I leave the coffee house half an hour later, I look at my phone. 27 messages and 43 missed calls. All the calls are from my family, I don’t even bother to check the messages but turn off the phone and head to my car.
As I start driving towards the hospital, I turn on the radio.
“Pretty, pretty please
Don’t you ever, ever feel
Like you’re less than
Less that perfect…”
I turn it immediately off and drive off the road, stopping the car. I hit the wheel with my hand and let out a scream.
Huge waves of sobs take over me and shake my body as I scream and hit the wheel repeatedly and tug my hair in desperation. Everything is just so fucked up and how did this ever happen and why? For once I was happy and in love and then the universe decides to take it from me.
I bury my face in my hands again and just cry silently. I miss you. I need you. Don’t leave me. I love you.
When I’m finally able to continue driving and arrive to the hospital, everyone runs at me and hugs me. I just stand there, motionless. Everyone starts babbling and I don’t even care what they say until I hear your name. Blaine.
I rip myself off their reach and run. I run until I reach your room and stop at the door.
And you smile at me.
You sit on your bed, looking like a wreck, but you’re looking at me, and you smile.
Before I even notice, I’ve launched myself into your arms and I’m clinging to you and I never ever ever want to let go again.
“Kurt, you’re crushing me”, you let out a laugh and I get off of you. And you smile again and you’re so beautiful and you’re awake and when and how and I love you I love you I love you and I missed you and I cling onto you again, crying hysterically. You hug me tightly and caress my back softly as I sob into your chest.
*****
Eventually I calm down and sit on your bed, caressing the back of your ear.
“I thought I’d lost you. I thought you wouldn’t wake up.” My voice breaks a little and I bite my lip not to start crying again. You smile and take my hand, squeezing it gently.
“But I did. I’m awake and I’m here and I’m never leaving you again.”
A smile forms onto my lips. “I missed you so much. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
I press my lips onto yours and you return the kiss sweetly, gently, and it’s just as I remembered. I smile against your lips before pulling away.
I lay down on the bed next to you, holding you and I never want to let go again. You hug me back and I close my eyes, breathing in your scent. It smells a bit like hospital, which is no wonder, but I still smell underneath it the scent that’s so you, so Blaine.
You kiss my forehead and my smile widens as I drift off to unconsciousness. And sleep better than in ages, knowing you’re right next to me, holding me, that you’re safe and I’m safe and everything is alright again.
