Title: Moments
Beta: Andy Weasley. Thanks, hon. You are the best. ♥
Rating: S
Word Count: 1000 words
Pairing: Remus/Severus
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine and JKR is the goddess.
Summary: He was sure that it wouldn’t last very long. Relationships never did when Severus was the other half.Notes: Written for the April prompt of community lupin_snape in LJ. Every part is based on one song and the songs are in order: Zen Café – Huonot päiväsi, Maija Vilkkumaa – Yksin huudat sun yöt, Juha Tapio – Vierekkäin, Jonna Tervomaa – Myöhemmin and Stella – Häävalssi. (I know. They are all in Finnish. Ridiculous, isn't it?) For FanFic100 81. Miten?
Comments are much appreciated. In Finnish and in English.
---
Severus woke up in the middle of the night.
He was not used to sleeping next to anyone, so when he changed position and bumped into something, he was awake immediately. Then he saw Remus and relaxed. Yes, the werewolf was sleeping in his bed, and Severus remembered everything that had happened to bring about this situation. He would probably cherish the memory for a long time.
Somehow Remus seemed to be at peace with the world. Like he didn’t have anything to worry about. Like he belonged in Severus’s bed. He was beautiful.
The thought made Severus shudder. Not that it wasn’t an appealing sight, or that he wouldn’t like to see Remus here every morning for the rest of his life. It just was not possible. Remus would grow tired of him. Severus was
not an appealing sight at his best, and at his worst... No, it was just unthinkable. It would never happen.
“Severus”, Remus mumbled, half-asleep. “What are you doing? Go back to sleep.”
Severus sighed and obeyed. Remus pulled him into his arms and Severus thought it probably could not hurt to enjoy this as long as possible. Soon he drifted off to sleep again.
---
Severus didn’t understand why Remus was willing to put up with him. He was sure that it wouldn’t last very long. Relationships never did when Severus was the other half.
Remus was trustful, maybe even too trustful. He talked about himself for hours; his hopes and dreams and all the things Severus hadn’t known from before. When he did, Severus wondered if Remus even realised how vulnerable he was making himself. If they did break up, Severus would know all these things and have an opportunity to hurt Remus in the worst ways imaginable. Hadn’t Remus ever thought about that?
Severus was brave when it came to boldly marching toward danger and making sacrifices. Remus’s bravery was different. He was willing to trust almost anyone if that person cared for him or supported him in some way in return. Remus opened up and faced the possibility of being hurt. Severus saw that Remus was afraid of rejection, but still took the chance and trusted other people.
He probably did gain something more precious by doing so. Severus wondered what that was. Maybe if he spent a little more time in Remus’s company, he could take a chance and find out.
---
Sometimes they just were together. They didn’t do anything special, didn’t even talk most of the time. Neither of them felt the need to keep up unnecessary conversation just for the sake of being polite. Sometimes they sat together, chairs pushed close to each other in Remus’s livingroom, and read. Tonight was one of those nights, but Severus had some difficulties in concentrating on his book. He studied the colours of the carpet and watched Remus. At last the other man put his book down, too.
“Do you want to talk about something if you’re not going to read?”
“Maybe,” Severus said.
“Well? Do we just talk about the weather? It’s getting sunnier every day. Or do you want to do something else?” Remus’s smile was wicked and Severus wanted nothing more than to touch him.
“It’s still raining.”
He wanted to say something meaningful. Really, he wanted to tell and show Remus how much he cared for him, but he was afraid.
It was getting late. Severus didn’t know if he wanted to go home or stay here.
“Severus,” Remus said and touched his hand. “You don’t have to say or do anything. Just relax.”
Severus stayed the night.
---
They were in Severus’s bed and just lay there, side by side. They didn’t speak at all; neither one of them barely made a sound aside from breathing. It was already time to get up.
When he stole a glance of Remus, Severus fell just a bit more. He did not dare say anything, because it would break the silence and ruin the moment. Remus had his eyes open and he stared at the ceiling, clearly thinking or remembering something. It was a peaceful moment, and Severus just wanted to forget everything and lose himself here next to Remus.
Severus had several important things to do today. Potions did not prepare themselves, and Remus most probably had some work to do as well. Severus was just stealing precious time when he did not rise from. And even worse, he stole Remus’s time! He thought of all the things he was supposed to do today, and that list was a long one.
But they could do it all later. After all, they could not do anything significant this time in the morning. Severus gave up his plans of rising from bed. They could lie here for just a few more minutes.
---
Severus had never felt so awful in his life. He had a fever, a runny nose, and he had to cough all the bleeding time. He was sure he looked just as terrible as he felt. Remus was sitting beside him on the bed and checking his temperature.
“You’ll catch my cold,” Severus tried to say, but started to cough.
“Nonsense. I’m a werewolf. We have very good resistance.”
Severus did not feel like arguing. Actually, he very much would have liked to simply die. It probably wouldn’t hurt as much.
“Your fever has gone down. That’s good. Are you tired?”
“No, I don’t want to sleep,” Severus said and feared that his voice sounded like a whine. It didn’t help that he caught Remus’s hand before Remus had the time to rise and leave the room.
“Okay.”
There were no words to express how grateful Severus was of Remus’s company just then. Well, no words except...
“Remus...” he started.
“I know.”
“No, I have to...”
“Severus, you don’t have to say it.
I know. Just rest now.”
Remus wiped Severus’s damp hair from his face; he wasn’t going to leave anytime soon. Right then, even Severus could believe it.
